Category Archives: Movies

The Bourne Legacy: Introducing your new reptile junkie action hero

There seems to be a major disconnect between what The Bourne Legacy is and what people expect(ed) it to be. I was expecting it to be, at the very least, a decent action movie that would introduce a new secret operative with some level of fucked-up-ness into the world of Jason Bourne, and the movie did meet my basic expectations so I was pretty satisfied with what I saw. Apparently everyone else saw a different movie though, or were expecting something so different—a literal continuation of Bourne’s story, I think—that they were disappointed by what Legacy actually is. So I want to tell you what this movie is NOT, so that you can maybe get down with what it IS. Basically, this is what The Bourne Legacy is asking of you, the viewer:

Support a reptile junkie on a murder spree who kidnaps his dealer in order to ensure a steady fix to feed his drug habit.Continue reading “The Bourne Legacy: Introducing your new reptile junkie action hero”

The Dark Knight Rises, and delivers, kind of

SOME SPOILERS

The pressure cooker leading up to The Dark Knight Rises has been unbearable. The expectations, both fiscal and critical, are through the roof, and the question everyone wants answered is can writer/director Christopher Nolan top 2008’s The Dark Knight, a movie many consider to be the best superhero movie ever made. The answer: Kind of. Rises is, in many ways, an escalation from The Dark Knight, building on what’s come before and continuing to improve on an already nearly flawless concept. There is, though, one crucial area in which Rises sort of disappoints—it’s not terribly fun to watch.

Before you start yelling, consider that what makes it more than just your average superhero movie—indeed, I’ve never really thought of Nolan’s Batman series as just superhero movies—is also what puts a damper on the movie. It’s that hyper-realism, the grounding Nolan gives Batman in a world fraught with our own post-millennial fears and traumas that makes the Dark Knight trilogy unique, but it’s also kind of a bummer. The Dark Knight resonated with so many because it struck the perfect balance between the gritty real world problems and the jaw-dropping action of a superhero adventure. It was dark, yes, but even watching The Joker be villainy and evil was fun because of the spirited, almost gleefully abandoned, approach to the conflict. There’s a loss of verve in Rises and I found myself wondering—did Nolan really want to make this movie? Or did he just have to get through a contract?Continue reading “The Dark Knight Rises, and delivers, kind of”

Magic Mike and Ted: Two completely different movies

Obvious statement, I know. But true. Let’s start with Ted.

It’s way funnier than I was expecting. The thing that worried me about Ted was director and co-writer Seth MacFarlane. I’m not a huge MacFarlane fan. Not that he can’t be funny—he can be hilarious—it’s just that he tends to wear thin after a bit. Even one episode of Family Guy can feel like too much at times. So how would a ninety minute movie go down? Surprisingly well.

Ted is about a kid, John, who wishes his teddy bear would come to life, and it does. MacFarlane voices the bear, and Mark Wahlberg plays the grown-up John, with Mila Kunis (longtime MacFarlane collaborator and the voice of Meg on Family Guy) as his girlfriend, Laurie. Of course, Laurie ultimately insists John and Ted go their separate ways, tired of how Ted drags John down. It’s a standard plot, but the friendship between John and Ted is so well fleshed out that it never feels old or recycled.Continue reading “Magic Mike and Ted: Two completely different movies”

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter falls into the gimmick trap

To be fair, it’s kind of hard not to. I mean, the gimmick is right there, in the title.

I’m not one of those people who think that books adapted into movies have to be exactly the same thing. In most cases, movie adaptations are better when they don’t use too much of the source material. What works in a book is usually not going to work in a movie since they’re vastly different storytelling styles. But when adapting a book into a movie, I do think you need to capture the spirit of what made the book interesting in the first place. And sometimes, you read a book and know right away that it’s made for adaptation, that this book will lend itself neatly to the movie format. That was my feeling when I read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter—that it was made to be a movie. I was excited to hear that author Seth Grahame-Smith, who comes from the world of television writing, was adapting his novel for the big screen. Yay, I thought. The guy knows how to write a script already. What could go wrong?

Well, a lot.Continue reading “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter falls into the gimmick trap”

Deep Thoughts with Rock of Ages

Yes, it is SUPER CHEESY. Yes, it is COMPLETELY OVER THE TOP. Yes, it is UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. And yes, even though I find musicals creepy and weird, I do love cheesy 80’s music so I am predisposed to enjoy a musical like Rock of Ages. And I did enjoy it, since I walked into the theater reminding myself that it was going to be all kinds of stupid and at times, even painfully embarrassing. Paul Giamatti is going to sing, I said to myself. PAUL GIAMATTI. This is the headspace you must be in for Rock of Ages. And if you can’t get there, I fully understand it. This is a highly-conditional recommendation. IF you like 80’s hair metal, IF you can roll with a horrendously directed movie that will still deliver on genuine beats of nostalgia and humor, and IF you can overlook the inherent freakiness of people sporadically bursting into song, you MIGHT like Rock of Ages. But keep in mind that Adam Shankman’s (Hairspray) direction is like watching a chimpanzee with space madness repeatedly run into a wall. It can be nearly impossible to watch at times.Continue reading “Deep Thoughts with Rock of Ages”

Prometheus is two movies, one of which is pretty awesome

Some spoilers. Use your judgment.

Prometheus is two movies smashed together. The movie about Ancient Aliens and humans “finding our maker(s)” and a creepy old man played by Guy Pearce in creepy old man makeup, I could live without. Entirely. Junk that whole plot, it kind of sucked. In fact, let’s blame that whole part of the script on Damon Lindelof (Lost), who co-wrote, whether it’s fair or not. Why? Because Lost had major gaping narrative pitfalls, too, a lot of which related to mystical sci-fi bullshit, and that was my issue with this part of Prometheus. Mystical sci-fi bullshit is a cop-out for “I wrote myself into a corner and I don’t know what to do”. (Lindelof has been hired to rewrite World War Z before they embark on a mind-numbing seven weeks of reshoots, and I’m not bitter/worried about that AT ALL.)

Here’s the problem with mystical sci-fi bullshit—and by extension, mystical fantasy bullshit—and it’s why I am not super fond of genre movies/television/books: Because you can do anything, writers usually just do anything. The logic, science and physical laws of nature in your sci-fi/fantasy world don’t have to resemble any that exist in our real world. They don’t even have to make sense. But you do have to have rules, and you have to follow the ones you establish. Consider JARVIS in the Iron Man/Avengers movies. Of course, AI doesn’t exist yet, nor does any robot/computer system function as comprehensively as JARVIS does for Tony Stark. But JARVIS is so consistent in when/how he is used and behaves, that we accept him as a “character”. JARVIS isn’t real, we know that, logically, but he feels real, so we accept him, practically.Continue reading “Prometheus is two movies, one of which is pretty awesome”

Despite first-time director jitters, Snow White and the Huntsman is solid freshman effort from Rupert Sanders

Every ten to twelve years, a new director will arrive, heralded as the new go-to guy for big, stunning visuals. I think of this kind of filmmaker as the go-big-or-go-home guys, the event filmmakers who are, by and large, going to make large-scale movies with expansive, scopey palettes. Steven Spielberg is this type of director, so is James Cameron, and the last one we got was Peter Jackson, eleven years ago. Recently they’ve tried to make Zack Snyder this guy, but he thinks rape makes an acceptable fantasy; likewise, Tarsem Singh has never become this guy because he doesn’t give a shit about storytelling. But now it’s Rupert Sanders’, best known for a series of head-turning commercials for Xbox’s HALO games, turn to be judged with his freshman features effort, Snow White and the Huntsman.Continue reading “Despite first-time director jitters, Snow White and the Huntsman is solid freshman effort from Rupert Sanders”