Reviews – Page 15

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter falls into the gimmick trap

To be fair, it’s kind of hard not to. I mean, the gimmick is right there, in the title.

I’m not one of those people who think that books adapted into movies have to be exactly the same thing. In most cases, movie adaptations are better when they don’t use too much of the source material. What works in a book is usually not going to work in a movie since they’re vastly different storytelling styles. But when adapting a book into a movie, I do think you need to capture the spirit of what made the book interesting in the first place. And sometimes, you read a book and know right away that it’s made for adaptation, that this book will lend itself neatly to the movie format. That was my feeling when I read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter—that it was made to be a movie. I was excited to hear that author Seth Grahame-Smith, who comes from the world of television writing, was adapting his novel for the big screen. Yay, I thought. The guy knows how to write a script already. What could go wrong?

Well, a lot.Continue reading “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter falls into the gimmick trap”

Deep Thoughts with Rock of Ages

Yes, it is SUPER CHEESY. Yes, it is COMPLETELY OVER THE TOP. Yes, it is UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. And yes, even though I find musicals creepy and weird, I do love cheesy 80’s music so I am predisposed to enjoy a musical like Rock of Ages. And I did enjoy it, since I walked into the theater reminding myself that it was going to be all kinds of stupid and at times, even painfully embarrassing. Paul Giamatti is going to sing, I said to myself. PAUL GIAMATTI. This is the headspace you must be in for Rock of Ages. And if you can’t get there, I fully understand it. This is a highly-conditional recommendation. IF you like 80’s hair metal, IF you can roll with a horrendously directed movie that will still deliver on genuine beats of nostalgia and humor, and IF you can overlook the inherent freakiness of people sporadically bursting into song, you MIGHT like Rock of Ages. But keep in mind that Adam Shankman’s (Hairspray) direction is like watching a chimpanzee with space madness repeatedly run into a wall. It can be nearly impossible to watch at times.Continue reading “Deep Thoughts with Rock of Ages”

Prometheus is two movies, one of which is pretty awesome

Some spoilers. Use your judgment.

Prometheus is two movies smashed together. The movie about Ancient Aliens and humans “finding our maker(s)” and a creepy old man played by Guy Pearce in creepy old man makeup, I could live without. Entirely. Junk that whole plot, it kind of sucked. In fact, let’s blame that whole part of the script on Damon Lindelof (Lost), who co-wrote, whether it’s fair or not. Why? Because Lost had major gaping narrative pitfalls, too, a lot of which related to mystical sci-fi bullshit, and that was my issue with this part of Prometheus. Mystical sci-fi bullshit is a cop-out for “I wrote myself into a corner and I don’t know what to do”. (Lindelof has been hired to rewrite World War Z before they embark on a mind-numbing seven weeks of reshoots, and I’m not bitter/worried about that AT ALL.)

Here’s the problem with mystical sci-fi bullshit—and by extension, mystical fantasy bullshit—and it’s why I am not super fond of genre movies/television/books: Because you can do anything, writers usually just do anything. The logic, science and physical laws of nature in your sci-fi/fantasy world don’t have to resemble any that exist in our real world. They don’t even have to make sense. But you do have to have rules, and you have to follow the ones you establish. Consider JARVIS in the Iron Man/Avengers movies. Of course, AI doesn’t exist yet, nor does any robot/computer system function as comprehensively as JARVIS does for Tony Stark. But JARVIS is so consistent in when/how he is used and behaves, that we accept him as a “character”. JARVIS isn’t real, we know that, logically, but he feels real, so we accept him, practically.Continue reading “Prometheus is two movies, one of which is pretty awesome”

Despite first-time director jitters, Snow White and the Huntsman is solid freshman effort from Rupert Sanders

Every ten to twelve years, a new director will arrive, heralded as the new go-to guy for big, stunning visuals. I think of this kind of filmmaker as the go-big-or-go-home guys, the event filmmakers who are, by and large, going to make large-scale movies with expansive, scopey palettes. Steven Spielberg is this type of director, so is James Cameron, and the last one we got was Peter Jackson, eleven years ago. Recently they’ve tried to make Zack Snyder this guy, but he thinks rape makes an acceptable fantasy; likewise, Tarsem Singh has never become this guy because he doesn’t give a shit about storytelling. But now it’s Rupert Sanders’, best known for a series of head-turning commercials for Xbox’s HALO games, turn to be judged with his freshman features effort, Snow White and the Huntsman.Continue reading “Despite first-time director jitters, Snow White and the Huntsman is solid freshman effort from Rupert Sanders”

Good god, Men in Black III is awful

There’s a game I like to play with actors, called “How stupid do you feel”, in which I ask an actor how stupid they feel doing various things while filming a movie. Movies are shot in increments, so a lot of the action is done out of context, and I often wonder how stupid it feels to do certain scenes bit by bit like that. When it comes to MIBIII, I want to ask all the actors how stupid they felt doing the entire movie. At points, I was so embarrassed for everyone involved that I could not look at the screen. Especially Emma Thompson. Is she poor? Why was she in that mess? Even though her part was little more than a glorified cameo, I was so second-hand embarrassed for her. I felt like yelling, “We must free Emma!” every time she came on screen. I would have been similarly embarrassed for Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords), but he’s still paying off his debt to society for participating in Gentlemen Broncos, so he doesn’t get the same consideration.Continue reading “Good god, Men in Black III is awful”

The Avengers assemble, and it fucking ROCKS

For a discussion on Joss Whedon and why he’s good for film, please go here.

If you’re sitting there going, “I don’t like comic book/superhero movies, so I don’t care about The Avengers,” well fine, but just know you’re passing up the most fun that can be had at the movies this year. The Avengers, written and directed by Whedon, is not flawless. There are some trouble spots. But when stacked against the sheer pleasure derived in watching, those issues ultimately don’t matter. Because even with a couple squiffy points, The Avengers is not a mess. It should be, but it isn’t. It works on nearly every level and is a testament to a great director working with a great group of actors and a studio that knew when to get out of the way and let the creatives be creative.Continue reading “The Avengers assemble, and it fucking ROCKS”

Trust me, go see Cabin the Woods, or, Why we need Joss Whedon

It can be annoying when people tell you how to watch a movie. That’s why I don’t care about spoilers, because a person should be allowed to know exactly what they want to know before they see a movie. Want to know everything? Great. Want to know nothing? Awesome. Either way, it’s on the individual viewer to decide. It’s also why I don’t like it when a movie is available only in 3D. What if I don’t care to see it in 3D, which I never do? Just let me decide how much I want to pay and what kind of experience I’m going to have.

That said, I’m going to tell you how to watch Cabin in the Woods.Continue reading “Trust me, go see Cabin the Woods, or, Why we need Joss Whedon”