There’s a game I like to play with actors, called “How stupid do you feel”, in which I ask an actor how stupid they feel doing various things while filming a movie. Movies are shot in increments, so a lot of the action is done out of context, and I often wonder how stupid it feels to do certain scenes bit by bit like that. When it comes to MIBIII, I want to ask all the actors how stupid they felt doing the entire movie. At points, I was so embarrassed for everyone involved that I could not look at the screen. Especially Emma Thompson. Is she poor? Why was she in that mess? Even though her part was little more than a glorified cameo, I was so second-hand embarrassed for her. I felt like yelling, “We must free Emma!” every time she came on screen. I would have been similarly embarrassed for Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords), but he’s still paying off his debt to society for participating in Gentlemen Broncos, so he doesn’t get the same consideration.Continue reading “Good god, Men in Black III is awful”
Category Archives: Movies
The Avengers assemble, and it fucking ROCKS
For a discussion on Joss Whedon and why he’s good for film, please go here.
If you’re sitting there going, “I don’t like comic book/superhero movies, so I don’t care about The Avengers,” well fine, but just know you’re passing up the most fun that can be had at the movies this year. The Avengers, written and directed by Whedon, is not flawless. There are some trouble spots. But when stacked against the sheer pleasure derived in watching, those issues ultimately don’t matter. Because even with a couple squiffy points, The Avengers is not a mess. It should be, but it isn’t. It works on nearly every level and is a testament to a great director working with a great group of actors and a studio that knew when to get out of the way and let the creatives be creative.Continue reading “The Avengers assemble, and it fucking ROCKS”
Trust me, go see Cabin the Woods, or, Why we need Joss Whedon
It can be annoying when people tell you how to watch a movie. That’s why I don’t care about spoilers, because a person should be allowed to know exactly what they want to know before they see a movie. Want to know everything? Great. Want to know nothing? Awesome. Either way, it’s on the individual viewer to decide. It’s also why I don’t like it when a movie is available only in 3D. What if I don’t care to see it in 3D, which I never do? Just let me decide how much I want to pay and what kind of experience I’m going to have.
That said, I’m going to tell you how to watch Cabin in the Woods.Continue reading “Trust me, go see Cabin the Woods, or, Why we need Joss Whedon”
Lockout is every action movie ever made
I love bad action movies, so from the first time I saw the trailer for Lockout, brought to us from the mind of Luc Besson, I was really hoping for another Fifth Element. Which is to say, bad, yes, but also highly entertaining. Well, parts of Lockout are very entertaining. And parts of it make you want to stab yourself with a pencil. It’s basically every action movie ever made mashed together into one largely incomprehensible space mess. It would be entirely dismissible except that back-from-the-nearly-dead Guy Pearce (The King’s Speech, Memento) gives a solid performance as Stereotypical Action Movie Dude. He’s good enough that I would definitely like to see him in other, better, action movies.Continue reading “Lockout is every action movie ever made”
Please, please don’t waste money on Mirror Mirror
Last summer I wrote about the “Snow White war” going on between Universal, home of Snow White and the Huntsman and Relativity, home of Mirror Mirror. At the time, I said it was bad for movies because both studios were rushing their projects in an effort to one-up each other, and that while Universal was running the risk of shortchanging a first-time features director, Relativity was making the bigger mistake as they were pushing so hard in an effort to get into theaters first that there was no way making a good movie was their top priority. It was purely about beating Universal. And guess what? I was right—Relativity’s end product, while in theaters first, is not good. Mirror Mirror is terrible and the “Snow White war” turned out to be bad for movies. And, for bad movies.Continue reading “Please, please don’t waste money on Mirror Mirror”
All the people saw The Hunger Games
The Hunger Games opened to a box-office devouring $155 million, making it the third-highest three day weekend opening of all time (behind Harry Potter 7-2 and The Dark Knight). It kicked Hollywood in the teeth and showed that child murder can, in fact, entertain the masses. It’s made Liam Hemsworth a thing, brought back Wes Bentley, launched Jennifer Lawrence into the stratosphere, and right now scores of twelve-year-old girls are drawing their name and Josh Hutcherson’s linked by hearts. For a generation of kids, Donald Sutherland will be best known as creepy President Snow, Lenny Kravitz will be an actor-turned-musician (not the other way around), and everyone will believe that’s Woody Harrelson’s real hair.
In other words, The Hunger Games just became the biggest thing in pop culture. But how is the movie?Continue reading “All the people saw The Hunger Games”
21 Jump Street is a surprisingly satisfying comedy
What surprised me most about 21 Jump Street was not that it was funny, it was that the story at the heart of the comedy was genuinely sweet and believable. Co-written by star Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall (who also had a hand in Project X and, more impressively, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), 21 Jump Street re-imagines the serious, after-school special tone of the 1980’s show (which is best remembered for giving Johnny Depp his start) as a buddy cop/high school comedy hybrid. Driven by the chemistry between Hill and Channing Tatum, 21 Jump Street works on both levels. I do have one bone to pick, though, with the foundations of the story. The opening scene is titled “2005”, and it shows Hill with bleached blonde hair, dressing like Eminem used to, as “The Real Slim Shady” plays. I graduated high school in 2001, when Eminem was super huge and some boys did jack his (dubious) style. By the time I graduated college in 2005, Eminem was not the king of the hill. That scene bugged the hell out of me because EVERYONE in the theater was shaking their heads going, “No guys, we know he wasn’t that popular in 2005”. It set up a joke in the next scene, sure, but it grated on me that an otherwise decent script botched such an obvious pop culture reference.Continue reading “21 Jump Street is a surprisingly satisfying comedy”
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