We r teh Samurai Kittehs!
We r back to review teh moviefilm Teh Three Musketeerz! Teh moviefilm haz star of hoominz Logan Lerman, Mattehw Macfadyen, Milla Jovovich, Christoph Waltz and Orlando Bloom! There wuz no kittehs in this moviefilm but we thought we would like it becuz of teh swashbucklin’. Samurai Sword Kitteh sez:
But we did not luv this moviefilm! It wuz verrah silly! It iz not teh worst moviefilm ever haz made, but it iz one of teh silliest! It haz little to do with teh book by Alexandre Dumas and much to do with teh director (Paul WS Anderson) wanting us to see how hot hiz wife iz! Samurai Kittehs sez:
It starts with teh Musketeerz on a mission in Venice! Athos (Macfadyen) can haz scuba suit which makes no sense! In facts, none of teh technology makes sense! Teh hot wife double-crosses teh Musketeerz! She haz no nice!
Now we go to France where teh peeple talk with American accentz! Or English accentz! Or Austrian accentz! All teh French peeple speak every accentz but French!
In France iz teh young hoominz D’Artagnan (Lerman)! He wants to be teh Musketeerz! He goes to Paris! On teh way he haz fight of Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen)! D’Artagnan haz too much sass!
Samurai Kittehs can haz no lie: Lerman iz becoming more appealing! Hiz voice haz changed and everything! We like him better than teh hoominz Taylor Lautner becuz he plays a dogpeeple and teh Samurai Kittehs do not want dogpeeple! Samurai Kittehs sez:
In Paris D’Artagnan offendz teh Musketeerz and iz going to haz fights with them! But then they haz fights with Rochefort instead! And teh Musketeerz adopt D’Artagnan! And he learnz that teh Musketeerz are no more! And Athos haz no belief in teh things! And teh Musketeerz are mean to their servant hoominz, Planchet (James Corden)! It iz supposed to haz teh funny but it just haz teh mean becuz Planchet obviously luvz hiz masterz! It iz kind of just really cruel! Samurai Master Kitteh sez:
D’Artagnan haz luv of a pretteh hoominz lady of teh queen’s! Becuz he haz luv of her, D’Artagnan gets sucked into plot against queen of France (Juno Temple)! Teh evil Cardinal Richelieu (Waltz) and teh hot wife lady are setting up teh queen and teh English duke they haz hate for to make it look like teh queen and duke haz luv! Teh hot wife lady steals teh queen’s necklace and teh evil Cardinal tells teh king to ask teh queen to wear that necklace to a ball! Teh queen iz devastated when she finds out! Teh pretty hoominz lady asks D’Artagnan to get it back! Daniel-San Kitteh sez:
Teh Musketeerz go to England to get teh necklace and they fight with their enemy teh duke! Poor Orlando Bloom haz been reduced to doing hammy villainpeeple in Dizney knockoff moviefilm! Samurai Kittehs sez:
Teh climax iz a silly fight with silly shipz that r like blimpz! Blimp shipz! It iz so silly! Samurai Kittehs could not stop teh laughter and teh rep from teh studiopeeple did not want our laughter! But it wuz so stoopid! Blimp shipz with machine gunz! Ninja Kitteh sez:
Teh moviefilm iz not without charm but iz just so stoopid! And teh 3D does nothing! Iz pointless 3D! Teh Three Musketeerz iz a verrah silly moviefilm that will only haz entertainment for teh verrah small hoominz! Teh director needs to get over hiz hot wife becuz she iz kind of a bad actresspeeple and took away from teh more interesting Musketeerzpeeple! You should not waste your monies on this silly moviefilm unless you haz care of small hoominz! We felt bad for teh hoominz Macfadyen and Lerman who deserve better, but everyone else phoned it in! Kitteh With Boot sez:
Samurai Kittehs go BOOM!