The Sorcerer’s Apprentice was just plain dumb

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice opens with a prologue set in 740 AD (director John Turteltaub missed a moment by not opening in 747 AD). We see Merlin’s apprentices Balthazar and Veronica rushing to save the old wizard from his arch-nemesis Morgana le Fay (man, there is a mythical woman whom literature and history have wronged greatly) and the betrayal of Merlin’s third apprentice, Horvath (played by Alfred Molina, who is, as per usual, better than the movie he’s in). Veronica sucks out Morgana’s soul but Morgana kills Veronica from the inside. Balthazar shoves them both inside a magic doll. Merlin dies, giving Balthazar final instructions, and Horvath has scampered off somewhere unscathed. This all happened in about three minutes and I watched in slack-jawed amazement. Not because it was cool, but because it was incredibly stupid. Nicolas Cage’s (Balthazar) ridiculous wig, the pedestrian concepts for Merlin and Morgana (bearded, wizened old man and snakey woman), the Renaissance Faire costumes and sets. It was so dumb. It played like a trailer for a Magic: The Gathering movie. I cross my heart, I sat there in the opening three minutes of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and thought: This is probably what a movie for Magic: The Gathering would look like. And then, halfway through the movie, one of the characters is portrayed on a poster advertising Magic: The Gathering. I laughed so hard I almost cried. Continue reading “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice was just plain dumb”