Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is hilariously awful

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Bad movies are a guilty pleasure of mine (am lately obsessed with Miami Connection, a 1987 wonder-gem of a movie discovered on Ebay by Drafthouse Films—it has karate and friendship and motorcycle ninja gangs, what more could you want?), and I have an unofficial thesis on the different levels of bad that exist in filmmaking. To date I’ve identified four levels, although I suspect there may be five—I’m still compiling data (it’s my life’s work). The four (identified) levels are: Good-Bad, Bad-Bad, Hilariously Awful, and Money Grab. The most inexcusable of these levels is the Money Grab, which is when no one is making any effort at all to make a good movie for the sake of the movie but when it’s very clearly a product created solely to fleece the unsuspecting audience of their dollars (see also: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, still one of the most simply awful and worst-produced-on-every-level movies I’ve ever seen). Continue reading “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is hilariously awful”

Unstoppable: How to make a bad movie watchable

Let’s be very clear. Unstoppable was not good. It was loud, headache-inducing, teeth-rattling driving action with little plot and no character development. The acting was limited to roguish smiles and worried glances. The score was annoying and cluttered up an already cluttered soundscape and the cinematography was the caliber of World’s Wildest Car Chases. All around, Unstoppable was a pretty terrible movie.

Yet it’s imminently watchable. Continue reading “Unstoppable: How to make a bad movie watchable”