Category Archives: Movies

WHY WON’T YOU LET JAKE GYLLENHAAL BE A MOVIE STAR?

You guys, he really, really wants to be one! It’s all he wants for Christmas! PLEASE let Jake G be a Movie Star!

Here’s the thing. The industry has been trying for a decade to make Jake G a Movie Star and so far, general audiences aren’t having it. I’m going to say, they’ll never have it. Something is missing in the Jake G equation that would translate to him being a big Movie Star. I’m not sure what that thing is—he’s talented, handsome, charismatic, a reliable worker and good promoter. From the perspective of the people who have to sell him, it should be a no-brainer. He’s a joy to work with on set and off—good luck finding a negative Jake G story (that weirdness with Taylor Swift last year aside). The people who work with him, like him, across the board. I’ve seen Jake G in action myself. Actors like him—genuinely nice guys with good senses of humor and a solid work ethic—don’t happen every day.Continue reading “WHY WON’T YOU LET JAKE GYLLENHAAL BE A MOVIE STAR?”

Sucker Punch should have been a videogame

Characters

You may choose one of five characters for the game. Additional characters include CREEPY STEPFATHER, PSYCHIATRIST/MAMA WHORE, BLUE, THE COOK, THE MAYOR, THE HIGHROLLER and THE WISE MAN. The characters you can choose from are:

BABY DOLL: Skills include sword fighting, marksmanship, hand-to-hand combat and she possesses the Magic Pussy of Hypnosis.

ROCKET: Skills include heavy artillery capabilities and hand-to-hand combat.

SWEET PEA: Skills include marksmanship, hand-to-hand combat and she is a strategy master.

BLONDIE: Skills include hand-to-hand combat and general uselessness.

AMBER: Skills include avionics, communications and Token Minority-ism.Continue reading “Sucker Punch should have been a videogame”

To nerds, with love

I went into Paul wanting to love it so much. Previous Nick Frost/Simon Pegg collaborations Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are among my favorite movies of the last ten years and who doesn’t love Spaced? I also love director Greg Mottola (Superbad, Adventureland), a guy who has the ability to slide between raunchy and heartfelt emotion in the span of five minutes. Filmmakers like Mottola are increasingly rare—genuinely funny people with a touch of sensitivity who also know how to frame a shot. And I don’t hate Seth Rogen as much as everyone else, especially when I’m only dealing with his voice, so the alien Paul didn’t ever come to annoy me. Yet for all that, I didn’t leave the theater loving Paul as much as I wanted to.Continue reading “To nerds, with love”

Cleansing my palate

I have been seeing some terrible movies lately, but March brings the European Union Film Festival to the Gene Siskel Center in Chicago. I’m now halfway through my program of six films at EUFF (I started with Sweden’s Behind Blue Skies). This is my first time dealing with this festival and while I really like the slate of films (there are sixty-four so tons of options) and that the fest is spread out throughout the month, I would definitely recommend buying all your tickets in advance if you ever feel like hitting up the EUFF. I got mine all at once and have avoided standing in the ludicrous box office lines. The Siskel Center is a bit cramped on lobby space so it can get kind of uncomfortable when the box office line is long and people are waiting to get into a screening, too. Tickets in advance, that’s the key. More dual reviews!Continue reading “Cleansing my palate”

When your eyes hate you so much they bleed

I may have finally reached my limit for “how many awful movies can I see before my eyeballs explode” on Saturday. Saturday night, after seeing both Battle: LA and Red Riding Hood a blood vessel ruptured in my eye and turned my eyeball red and disgusting. I was barely out of my seat after Red Riding Hood when the burning started and my eyeballs rebelled. The upside was it sidelined me for most of Sunday and I finally got to watch ESPN’s fantastic 30 for 30 documentary on Michigan’s Fab Five. The lesson of this review is 1) yes, your eyeballs actually can explode after viewing too many bad movies and 2) even if you don’t like basketball (I don’t), that ESPN doc about Chris Webber et al is really good. Dual review!Continue reading “When your eyes hate you so much they bleed”

The Skarsgards must be Sweden’s premier acting family

The UK has the Redgraves, the US has the Barrymores and Sweden has the Skarsgards.  I caught the newest film of twenty-year-old Bill Skarsgard—son of Stellan, younger brother of Alexander—last night at the European Union Film Festival. Called Behind Blue Skies, it details a pivotal summer in the life of Martin (Skarsgard), a high-rise dwelling student from a wealthy section of Stockholm. It’s important that you know Martin lives in a high rise so that you know he isn’t wealthy, like everyone else in his district. Martin’s best friend, Micke (Adam Palsson), is wealthy, however. Early on we meet Micke’s family as his father, Ulf (Rasmus Troedsson), brings home a new color TV. Behind Blue Skies is set in the mid-1970’s and director Hannes Holm perfectly captures the class difference between Micke and Martin in their reaction to the new TV. Micke could care less. He basically greets his dad with, “Another one?” as Martin’s eyes pop out of his head. There’s a brief struggle deciding what to do with the new TV. Ultimately, Ulf offers it to Martin. The new TV? No, an older one they’ll throw away in order to use the new one.Continue reading “The Skarsgards must be Sweden’s premier acting family”

Beastly: Someone stop me before my eyeballs rebel and explode

I have some friends. Not many, as I hate people and my aggressive brand of “don’t like to do stuff” generally means a lot of not doing stuff. Thing is, my friends know me and my “please don’t make me do stuff” policy so in order to get me to do what THEY want they usually have to bribe me with something I want. Like so, “Hey you know that movie you’re interested in? Well I can get you a screener and you can see it like pronto instead of later-o (what is the opposite of pronto?), BUT you have to do X with me right now.”Continue reading “Beastly: Someone stop me before my eyeballs rebel and explode”