Perpetual motion has been discovered and it’s this franchise that will never stop never end never go away.
Woman in Gold
Based on the true story of Maria Altmann, Helen Mirren stars as a Jewish woman who fought with the Austrian government to reclaim the famous Klimt painting the Nazis stole from her family. The real story is fascinating, the movie looks less so.
Clouds of Sils Maria
Full review here.
Alex Garland makes his directorial debut, working from his own script about a computer programmer brought by his boss to a remote location to test a potential artificial intelligence system. Starring Alicia Vikander, Domhnall Gleeson, and Oscar Isaac as the most gorgeous computer programmers ever.
Kill Me Three Times
The Longest Ride
I am so confused. Britt Robertson stars in this as a romantic lead, but later this year she will also star in Tomorrowland as a kid. That seems…wrong? I get older actors playing young—easiest way to circumvent the child labor statutes in production—but it’s kind of weird to go from sexing with Scott Eastwood in a Nicholas Sparks movie to being a teenage prodigy. Or is that just me?
Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut had a hilariously bad reception at Cannes last year. It’s finally making its way into a few theaters while also being dumped on VOD.
Tom Hardy, Noomi Rapace, and Gary Oldman star in this adaptation of Tom Rob Smith’s novel about a disgraced military policeman in Soviet Russia trying to catch a serial killer preying on young boys. Looks suuuuuper tense.
Disney Nature’s Monkey Kingdom
It’s that time of year—Disney’s annual nature documentary meant to guilt you into recycling.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
PLEASE GOD NO.
Based on the totally nuts story of wanted felon Christian Longo, who stole the identity of Michael Finkel, a journalist disgraced after being caught fudging details in an article. Finkel learned that Longo was using his identity while on the lam and ends up interviewing him about the murders of Longo’s wife and three children. James Franco and Jonah Hill star, and this is one that I really want to get out and see.
A horror movie about a killer who attacks through Facebook or something. It’s not a terrible premise but it looks so goddamned teeny.
Nick Kroll and Rose Byrne star in this dramedy about a Manhattan flame-out who goes to work for his suburbanite sister as nanny. I like both Kroll and Byrne, but this looks like Noah Baumbach-levels of “white people problems” annoying.
The Age of Adaline
Blake Lively is…TIME COP.
Misery Loves Comedy
Kevin Pollack interviews over fifty comedians to figure out if you really do have to be a miserable asshole in order to be funny on command.
The Water Diviner
Russell Crowe makes his directorial debut with this movie about a man trying to find his missing sons after the Battle of Gallipoli. Starring Crowe and human pasteboard cut out Jai Courtney.
Lot of directorial debuts this month, not one of them for a woman.