March 6

Chappie

Neill Blomkamp remakes Short Circuit in a movie critics like even less than Blackhat.

The Lazarus Effect

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess this has something to do with bringing people back from the dead. Gasp! I’m right!

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Because old people deserve franchises, too.

Unfinished Business

Vince Vaughn does his Smug Asshole schtick in a movie that co-stars Dave Franco and, inexplicably, Tom Wilkinson.

March 13

Cinderella

Even though the trailer makes it looks like an Ever After remake, I kind of really want to see this. I’d like for one of these live-action fairytales to work out all the way.

The Cobbler

Adam Sandler wants us to take him seriously again. LOL no.

On Demand

It Follows

That rarest of creatures—a horror film embraced by critics.

Run All Night

Liam Neeson stars as Revenge Man in Revenge Man 7: The Revengening Part II.

March 20

Danny Collins

Al Pacino stars as the eponymous Danny Collins, and aged rock star who finds a letter written to him by John Lennon. I’m less interested in this than I am in Manglehorn, Pacino’s other “remember I used to be a great actor?” project.

Limited

Do You Believe?

I wouldn’t mind these movies if they were sincere, but they’re not. They’re cheaply made cash-grabs cynically exploiting a niche market.

The Gunman

Sean Penn Preachy Political Thriller #17.

Insurgent

But why does she have soccer mom hair?

Kumiko: The Treasure Hunter

This movie was a big hit at Sundance last year, so I’m excited to finally get a chance to see it. Rinko Kikuchi stars as a woman who thinks that a copy of the movie Fargo is an actual treasure map and follows searching for a case of money. That premise is BRILLIANT.

Limited

Tracers

Taylor Lautner continues trying to be a teen action idol, even though he’s clearly been replaced by Liam Hemsworth.

On Demand

March 27

Get Hard

I can see the pitch now—Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart, we can’t go wrong!

Home

A Pixar knock-off about a cutesy alien who befriends a cutesy human girl.

Kill Me Three Times

I don’t understand some of the choices Simon Pegg makes.

On Demand

Playing it Cool

THIS FUCKING MOVIE.

On Demand

The Riot Club

Lone Scherfig’s latest about repressed pretty British people.

Limited/On Demand

Serena

This movie is fucking nuts. Full review here.

Expands to limited release/On Demand

While We’re Young

Noah Baumbach’s latest about miserable white people.

White God

This Hungarian film was a big hit at Cannes last year. It’s about a girl who tries to rescue her dog after her father abandons the dog. Can’t wait to see it.

Limited