Bee Shaffer in Dolce & Gabbana is actually my best dressed of the night. I LOVE this floral gown and her styling, and I especially love that Anna Wintour’s face seems to have frozen in that expression. Marion Cotillard in Dior gets “best white of the night”, while Lady Gaga in Azzedine Alaïa is both appropriately weird and occasion-appropriate. Lupita Nyong’o’s purloined Calvin Klein pearl dress is worth discussing, at least, and Meryl Streep in Lanvin and Tegan & Sara all had great menswear-inspired looks.
Cate Blanchett’s gown was a bit underwhelming in and of itself, buy MY GOD THAT NECKLACE (it’s Tiffany). Disregard Benderspink Crumplesnort (no one can wear a dinner jacket and NOT look like a waiter), but his wife, Sophie Hunter, wore a great red Lanvin gown. I like a pregnant woman who’s not afraid to show a little skin. Dakota Johnson wins “best red of the night” in Saint Laurent, with runner-up Rosamund Pike in Givenchy (her look is a little too matchy-matchy). Jesus CHRIST Scarlett Johansson, in green Versace, and yes, I like the choker, too. Emma Stone in Elie Saab and Naomi Watts in Armani Privé round out the group.
Almost But Not Quite
I like the idea of Laura Dern in this Alberta Ferretti gown, but the design is making her hips look wide, and I can do without the matchy-matchy accessories. I almost really like Felicity Jones in this McQueen ball gown, but I need about 30% less volume in the skirt. It’s too much dress. Anna Kendrick in Thakoon is pretty enough but unexceptional, and while I don’t think Margot Robbie’s Saint Laurent dress is that exciting, that necklace is incredible (it was originally made for the Duchess of Windsor). And Keira Knightley, in Valentino, finally stuck the landing on that pregnant boho-chic thing she’s doing.
Jessica Chastain suffered a setback in this unflattering Givenchy dress, and Jennifer Lopez in Elie Saab is a one-color nightmare of beige. Julianne Moore got this tragically bad Chanel dress for her big night (did she step on Choupette’s tail or something?), and Reese Witherspoon reduced Tom Ford to country club chic, which is an unpardonable offense.
Gwyneth Paltrow wore a shoulder vagina by Ralph & Russo, Nicole Kidman wore a Louis Vuitton dress made from the skins of a dozen Real Dolls, and Solange Knowles…is Solange Knowles.
Hot Dudes In Tuxes
Self-explanatory. Also, David Oyelowo wins “best dressed dude”.
GOD DAMN CHRIS EVANS
I mean—GOD DAMN, CHRIS EVANS.