Winter Movie Preview: February 2015

February 6

Jupiter Ascending

Eddie Redmayne’s potential Norbit.

Seventh Son

Julianne Moore’s potential Norbit.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

SpongeBob’s bread and butter is absurdist adventure, but something about this is rubbing me the wrong way. For some reason it’s making me think of The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists—I don’t know why my brain is going there beyond “animated water”—which is such a tremendous movie this trailer looks poorer for the comparison.

Ballet 422

Ballet is fascinating. The discipline it requires is mind-boggling. This documentary follows the New York City Ballet as they prepare a new work from a young choreographer, Justin Peck, in just two months.


The Voices

Ryan Reynolds plays your friendly neighborhood homicidal schizophrenic. Joanna at LaineyGossip hated this movie at TIFF last year, but overall the reviews are pretty good. So it’s a crap shoot.


February 13

Fifty Shades of Grey

A publishing phenomenon, the pressure is on for Fifty Shades to deliver. The box office will undoubtedly be good, but will the movie? I like Sam Taylor-Johnson as a director, and frankly, I get tired of the way people dismiss Fifty Shades as “mommy porn”. So what if it is? We’re okay with the idea of people watching choke sex on the internet—what’s wrong with this? I just hope Taylor-Johnson managed to pull together a movie that is actually good.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

This looks ridiculous, but Matthew Vaughn (X-Men: First Class) makes fun movies, and I’m here for Colin Firth: Action Hero. This was supposed to come out last October but got kicked to February, which doesn’t inspire confidence.

The Last Five Years

A musical starring Anna Kendrick about two creative types reminiscing over the rise and fall of their relationship. That’s incredibly precious, but Kendrick is adorable in everything.


February 20


DUFF = “Designated ugly fat friend”

If Mae Whitman is ugly and fat, the rest of us are fucked.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

It’s dumb, but the first one was pretty funny. I have mild hopes that this one, too, may be enjoyable in a brain-free kind of way.

McFarland, USA

The latest in Disney’s string of feel-good triumphant sports stories.

February 27


Salma Hayek kills people in her bra. I bet that was the extent of the pitch.



Will Smith and Margot Robbie star as con artists who fall in love. The trailer is slick but the February release date, once again, does not inspire confidence.

Maps to the Stars

David Cronenberg skewers Los Angeles and Hollywood “culture” in typically Cronenbergian fashion. Either you like Cronenberg, or you don’t. This won’t change your mind either way.



Critical darlings Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper co-star in this turd—no seriously, everyone hates it—about a crazy lady who fucks up her husband’s life. I assume the book is better.


2 thoughts on “Winter Movie Preview: February 2015

  1. Louise

    What We Do In The Shadows was enjoyable, and Kingsman was too… Up until the last ten minutes. There was a really misjudged joke that killed it for me. I understand what they were trying to do, but it just killed it.

  2. Anna

    I absolutely loved Kingsman. I was expecting to just enjoy Colin Firth in those glorious suits, but it was just so much fun. Very Tarantino-like with the hilarious violence. I have no idea why it was dumped n February, I can easily see it as summer film. There was spontaneous clapping at the cinema, which almost never happens.

    Serena, on the other hand, was beyond boring. I think both Jennifer and Bradley Cooper have very ‘twenty-first century’ faces (basically the opposite of Kate Winslet or Keira Knightley), and they were okay in American Hustle, but just couldn’t sell the 30s for me. But the whole thing was a boring mess anyway.

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