Best & Worst of the Golden Globes 2014

tina-and-amyThree hours, precisely. That’s how long the Golden Globes were. It felt, however, like it took a year to watch the broadcast. Terrible pacing, janky cutaways, and amateur-hour direction bogged down the broadcast, not to mention everyone who won taking dramatic pauses and delivering their thank you speeches in slow. important. actor. dialect. Except for America’s Pretend Girlfriend, Jennifer Lawrence, who was her usual gushy self. (Maybe…too usual? She was so “oh gee me” gushy, it reminded me painfully of Taylor Swift. Jennifer Lawrence: She’s faking it? Discuss.) On the whole, though, it was an okay show. I didn’t think Tina Fey & Amy Poehler were quite as sharp—or maybe we simply knew what to expect this time—as co-hosts, but they still nailed Grade A jokes about George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio, and shaded Taylor Swift in between.

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association doesn’t have anything to do with the Oscars, and the Oscar nominations have already been turned in, but you couldn’t help but feel the wind being taken out of 12 Years a Slave’s sails as they got passed over time and time again through the night, until finally bagging the Best Drama award at the end of the night. By the time they finally won, it felt like they really needed it. 12 Years is going to be a hard sell to old fart Academy voters, because it doesn’t tell them that white people solved racism in 1962, but just how hard a sell it really is came home last night. Producer Brad Pitt is going to have to get to work in the coming month to give the film a boost.

And just think, in another month, we may very well be saying the words, “Oscar winner Jared Leto.”

The Best

I had a hard time compiling my favorite looks of the nights. The worsts were pretty obvious, but the best? Most everyone erred on the side of caution which lead to a lot of boring but unobjectionable fashion, which meant no one really leapt out at me as having a real fashion moment. At least, that is, until Lupita Nyong’o showed up in a scarlet red Ralph Lauren gown with a cape. It’s reminiscent of Gwyneth Paltrow’s white Tom Ford from the 2012 Oscars, but, as should be the case with good fashion, Nyong’o makes the look her own. She looks so gorgeous, her skin is so beautiful, her makeup is perfect—I could gush about this look forever. Nyong’o has been demonstrating good fashion sense ever since breaking out with 12 Years a Slave, but this is a major moment. This puts her in the upper echelons of fashion-friendly celebrities, and I really hope a major designer makes her a spokesmodel, soon. Fashion could use the diversity, and we could use the Lupita.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

My next two looks are the ones that popped out at me for not only being well styled, pulled-together looks, but ones that stood out from all the boring. Rashida Jones in Rausto Pugilisi and Orange is the New Black’s Taylor Schilling in Thakoon both popped on the red carpet thanks to their easy-breezy style. Most everyone’s fashion choices conveyed their terror at landing on a “worst dressed” list, but Jones does not care. She’s not typically a great fashionista, but I really like this palm-tree-printed dress, and her styling is spot-on. She looks fun and laid-back, and like she feels comfortable in the dress. I don’t love her bangs, but that’s just because I hate bangs. People who like bangs probably love it. Schilling also looks relaxed and comfortable, and the green dress is perfect against her pale skin and blonde hair. It’s vaguely vintage without feeling theme-y, and she nailed the loose, natural curls. Most people do that and end up in bad need of a combing, but Schilling’s hair is perfect. “Loose” and “natural” does not mean “unkempt”.

The Worst

First, let’s just agree that Paula Patton’s Stephane Rolland nightmare frock is a hellish, textile representation of someone birthing a facehugger. It looks like that dress is slowly consuming her, like an evil spore. There’s no defense of this dress. Patton is tall woman and still it overwhelms her. It overwhelms her as it slowly subsumes her body for nutrition, growing and waiting, biding its time until it detaches and goes on feeding frenzy, devouring all in its path.


Next up we have a worst-dressed two-fer from Prabal Gurung featuring Sandra Bullock and Zoe Saldana. Bullock is not a fashion maven but even by her lowered-expectations grading curve, this is a terrible dress. It looks cheap and basic, like the dress that gets someone cut from Project Runway. Points for good hair and makeup, but any dress that makes someone look as uncomfortable as Bullock looks is an automatic no. Ditto for Saldana’s dress—she also looked like she was second-guessing her choice. People say that Saldana can wear anything, though I think it’s more a case of her being willing to try anything, but usually her choices yield better results than this. She looks like she actively hates this dress, and I have never heard Saldana sound so unenthusiastic about a dress than I did during her red carpet interview. Everything about this look screams regret.

Almost But Not Quite

Amy Adams almost had it. Her two-tone Valentino is a very flattering dress, and it’s a good fit for her (I mean literally, that dress is fit within an inch of its life), but then I looked at her face. Adams is very pale, and while the dress isn’t washing her out, her makeup is. She need to go a little bolder on either the eye or the lip, but as it is, neither was enough to make her really pop. Also I do not like that hairstyle, which is also what ruined Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera. I’m down with the dress and appreciate a more fashion-forward choice from the usually safe Fey, but then she paired it with that awful hairdo; let’s call it the half-Palin. Fey wore much better looks throughout the night as host, it’s just too bad the half-Palin is on record as her red carpet look.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Which brings us to please-think-of-me-as-a-misfit Lena Dunham. I usually refuse to get sucked into discussions about Dunham’s fashion choices because I think she’s trolling us most of the time. But yesterday she made an honest effort with this Zac Posen gown, and while it isn’t a terrific look, it isn’t awful and doesn’t feel like a prank, either. The color isn’t quite there for her—bright green or blue probably would have looked better—but the fit is decent. I kept wanting her to stand up straight, but I did appreciate that she made an attempt at actually styling her hair and wearing a correct application of makeup, plus she accessorized with that killer diamond necklace. So it’s a mixed bag from Dunham, but overall, she gets points for actually trying this time.

The Repeats

Jennifer Lawrence in a white Dior mermaid gown virtually repeated her 2013 Oscar look. That was a great look, and in and of itself, this isn’t a terrible dress, it’s just way too much like the other dress. Also, on my TV at least, Lawrence’s makeup looked pretty dark and severe. I could see the white powder used on her face, and against the darker lip and eye makeup, she looked kind of Goth. People yelled at me for using that word, but when I first glimpsed her it was all white face and dark eyes and lips and my brain went, Goth. Lawrence can’t “wear any face” when it comes to makeup; she looks best with light, fresh makeup, and smoky eyes work a lot better than that hard black eyeliner. I don’t think she’s mismatched with Dior so much as they are simply not serving her well.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Another repeat offender was Jessica Chastain in Givenchy. The dress isn’t bad, her makeup is good and that necklace is GREAT, but then we get to her hair. This is the same blown-back hairstyle she wore last year. It’s not flattering and looks like politician hair, and I wish someone would introduce her to hair clips. If you want to wear your hair down, but out of your eyes, get a jeweled hair clip. Do not attempt to create a hair helmet out of Aquanet. That is never the solution.

Best Futurespace Boobs

Kate Mara (in J Mendel) would like you to know that she is from the future. That is all.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

The Julia Roberts I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck Award

Julia Roberts wore this Dolce & Gabbana ensemble, which I think is actually a flattering and interesting spin on the “oxford shirt + formal skirt” look, and even manages to wear a beehive without looking like a spinster or a hipster, but Julia Roberts does not care what I think. Julia Roberts has no fucks to give, and is only here for the free booze and the opportunity to talk shit about her peers with Meryl Streep.


The Lea Michele Hard Posing Award

I used to like Amber Heard a lot. She’s gorgeous but always seemed to downplay it, favoring instead a raunchy sense of humor, self-deprecation, and the occasional Interesting Thought. But then her moment kept not coming and she increasingly seemed more and more desperate to Make It Happen, and then yesterday she donned this Versace monstrosity and paraded up and down the red carpet, posing so hard I thought she would give herself an aneurysm. She also brought the world’s worst accessory, which was a life-sized Johnny Depp that was wearing a blonde wig for some godforsaken reason.

Heard 2

The Best of the Dudes

With the exception of Matthew McConaughey and his green velvet Dolce & Gabbana tux, the guys I wanted to pick for this did not walk the red carpet. I couldn’t find any photos of an unusually un-rumpled Mark Ruffalo or a crush-(re)igniting Chris Evans, so I went with Bradley Cooper, who wore a superbly fitted traditional tux, and a superfly Terry Crews in a blue tuxedo. Not bad as far as backup goes. Crews, especially, is rocking the shit out of that suit.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals


15 thoughts on “Best & Worst of the Golden Globes 2014

  1. Laurisse

    Lupita was stunning. I liked Julia’s outfit too. Jennifer’s dress was awful – why does she have such a hard on for wedding dresses on her big nights? I can’t blame it all on her door or on Rachel Zoe, Jennifer isn’t shy or demure, nor is she a wacky dresser like Helena Bonham Carter in her private time, so I can only conclude that she actually thinks she looks good. ooookaayyyy.

    As for faking? I’ve never understood the fuss over her personality. I don’t like the double standard that whatever she does no matter how crass or controversial is “hilarious/so down to earth/so unspoiled/so real” yet other actresses are hated all over the blogs. I think a lot of people are terrified of saying anything negative about her, even other actors. She’s found her schtick and she’s going to stick to it. Maybe if we didn’t see so much of her it wouldn’t grate so much.

    1. My theory on Jennifer Lawrence’s fashion is that she actually doesn’t have much style or fashion sense on her own, so she’s relying heavily on stylists and designers to tell her what’s good. And since she isn’t exerting much will over it, they just dress her like a paper doll. Sometimes it works out, others times not. This was a not. But I did like her Oscar look a lot. She didn’t look like she was enjoying that big-ass dress much, but it was flattering and very well styled. This is not flattering nor is it well styled.

      As for personality, yeah, I agree about the double-standard in general, BUT. This is where being a little bit nice wins you a lot of brownie points. Lawrence is generally a game, accommodating participant, and she makes the effort to come across as positive in interviews. She’s just as awkward and says just as much stupid shit as Kristen Stewart, but Lawrence smiles and laughs while doing it. If Kristen Stewart doesn’t want to smile, that’s fine, but you then have to accept that you’re probably going to have less people on your side because of it. This is actually a PR “class” that gets taught to actors who are breaking into the mainstream. I call it “how to play along and make your life easy”. But it’s not like it’s a death sentence if you’re not Sally Sunbeam. Keira Knightley was wound pretty tight in her early twenties, and just seems to have gotten over it as she’s gotten older, but I wouldn’t say she’s much more accessible now than she was then. She’s just not as defensive.

      1. Laurisse

        I hope her Dior contract is up soon. They are all about looking classy/princess/prom queen and she should be having fun with all the options she has.

        It’s really lame that society requires us to be smiling and happy all of the time in order to be well liked and popular. The weird thing is that the well liked persona is more often than not fake! I’ve noticed that tabloids will always post pictures of Kristen Stewart looking unhappy even when she is smiling in the same set of pictures. They just assign stars a set personality. I kind of like that Kristen doesn’t go out of her way to change to please the masses or be popular. I’ve seen her on a few chat shows and she is pleasant and plays along with the host, plays dumb chat show games etc. She just isn’t a preppy princess with a fake mega watt smile plastered on her face. People just love to hate on celebrities and she is unfortunate enough to have a lead a franchise with a fanbase full of catty girls and women. Once women decide they hate you on the internet they will crucify and twist whatever you do. Some even hated on her for helping to raise a million dollars for Sandy relief. She is better off just being herself because there is just no pleasing or winning with assholes like that.

        Keira Knightly looks really good these days. She has put on weight and looks healthy and happy. I think she was surrounded by paparazzi whenever she left the house due to her love life so it’s hard to not let that get to you. I think she made a concerted effort not to make blockbusters and do some theatre for a few years to let the big hype die down. Maybe Kristen will follow a similar path although it will be harder considering how ….. passionate …… the Twilight fanbase is.

      2. I don’t think it’s smiling and happy all the time, so much as just not being a twat. Cate Blanchett doesn’t smile all the time, nor does Tilda Swinton, and no one has a problem with them. They are, in fact, beloved. I think it’s more about being polite. Kristen Stewart, though, was always fucked, from the moment she started dating The Most Popular Boy In School. I really believe, had she not hooked up with him, she would’ve ended up more like Jennifer Lawrence. She stepped on Twilight’s fans’ toes right out of the gate, because she didn’t hide her disdain for the story in the early interviews, but everyone else probably would have loved her for bagging on it even as she participated in it, had she been fun about it. But..she was never particularly fun and then she started dating the homecoming king, and she was fucked.

      3. Laurisse

        In total agreement about the Homecoming King thing. His fans are hideous. I don’t remember her being disdainful towards the story so much as towards the paparazzi and rabid atention. She is the one who has been respectful about it, saying she loves Bella etc while Rpattz rips it to shreds and even called out the fans who follow his life on their computers all day – I think he called them sad or pathetic – yet not a word is said about him, he can do no wrong. In their eyes he is never referencing them, it’s always “other” fans. I wonder how Stephenie Meyer feels about his attitude towards twilight. Obviously it’s never going to appeal to a guy but he’s a fucking multi millionaire because of it, at least try not to rag on it. I don’t think Kristen has any interest in being Miss Popularity anyway, if she did she would have followed the media line. It’s just a shame her relationship overwhelmed her career so much. She worked with Fincher when she was 10 years old, people forget that she has been working steadily for years before Bella Swan was ever heard of. Her new film in in competition at Sundance so I look forward to her post Twilight career.

        Cate and Tilda never had the Twilight fanbase to contend with to be fair. They are of an age where they are not a threat to those that love Rpattz or whoever else is flavour of the month. Besides, Tilda is a riot, did you ever see the video of her leading a dance at Roger Ebert festival? Fabulous!

      4. “Besides, Tilda is a riot.”

        That’s kind of what I mean. Tilda is fun, Tilda gets a lot of leeway.

        Kstew’s anti-Twilight comments were very, very early on in the phenomenon, right around the first movie coming out, maybe even a little before. I remember hearing them and thinking, though they didn’t bother me personally, they were red flags, PR-wise. I remember thinking she was making it harder on herself. But again, Keira Knightley did very nearly the same thing and she seems perfectly fine today, better adjusted and having figured out how to work the system FOR her, instead of fighting it. I’m not sure KStew has quite got that part yet, but she’ll get there.

  2. I rewatched Jennifer’s acceptance speech, and I may be naive, but I think it was a lot of her “goshness” was genuine surprise. I know that when actors and actresses are hot for an award, they have are aware on some level they are going to win, but I don’t think she expected to win again (and so soon). She also seemed to be reciting a part of a “back up” speech in her brain just in case she did win, so that would explain the somewhat artificial gushiness. However, I definitely understand how she came off as “Swifty.” She needs to either GO AWAY after awards season, or Lupita needs to win the SAG and overtake the Supporting Actress race. I love Jennifer, but Lupita and 12 Years a Slave really, really, really deserve to win.

    1. I do think she was surprised; her category isn’t as sewn-up as it was last year. I think she thought Lupita would win, too. But…I don’t know. I’ve always been a little suspicious of her because she has always tried to sell her success as an accident, when in fact she moved to LA as a kid and was on a TV show and then auditioned for a bunch of movies before landing Winter’s Bone. She TRIED, but she won’t admit it. And I know that’s somewhat because we live in a society that punishes outward ambition, but I think some of her persona stems from overselling her aw-shucks-ness, when in fact she’s a pretty driven, ambitious person. Anyone who gets to where she is in life by such a young age is not your everyday ordinary girl next door. That’s some extra-level shit. She’s basically like an Olympic athlete, giving up “normal” life to achieve something very few do, let alone by such a young age. And none of us would ever buy an Olympic athlete trying to tell us how really they just stumbled into being a grand national champion figure skater or whatever.

      1. Emster

        I think Jennifer Lawrence was genuinely surprised, but I wonder why. Hasn’t she been noticeably absent from all events related to American Hustle? Do you think that, maybe, she isn’t really proud of her work? For me, her shock doesn’t make me rethink her personality because she’s always been pretty transparent. It does, however, add subtext to her “campaign.” She’s getting all the awards, but she has no idea why.

      2. I think she got out of a lot of the Hustle promotion because she was finishing up the last installment of Mockingjay, right? Or just starting it? It was something to do with the Hunger Games conflicting.

        I think she was surprised about the win because she expected it to go to Lupita Nyong’o. What I’m reacting to more is the over-the-top-ness about her surprise. It reminds me of Taylor Swift’s constant, “Oh gosh, ME? Really?” At some point it’s like, even if you’re taken off guard, you must be aware this was a possibility, and I’m expecting something less…juvenile.

      3. Agent K

        I am pretty sure she has been absent because of filming Mockingjay? Christian Bale has also kind of come and gone because of filming Exodus.

        I’m so sick of cookie cutter actress “personalities” I just cannot come down on Jennifer Lawrence. If she annoys occassionally…fine, at least she’s something different.

      4. I really don’t mean to come down on her, because generally I find her refreshing, too. It’s just starting to feel a bit affected. Like when she tripped and dropped her bracelet on the red carpet, just as she was coming in view of cameras. That stuff makes me side-eye.

  3. Monika

    I think the difference is, even if Jennifer Lawrence is just putting on an act, is that it is refreshing and plausible. She “seems” comfortable in her own skin while Kristen Stewart seems like the wants to scratch her skin completely off. Both are ok but the fact that there is debate here suggests for a great number of us, we are willing to buy it (and even perhaps give it a big old hug). This in my opinion, is because, unlike Kristen Stewart, Jennifer Lawrence is an amazing actor. She has screen presence. She has an uncanny ability to disappear in a role. When she is onscreen, the audience is riveted. Stewart’s performances are in a totally different category. She is always the same character, awkward, sullen, without any source of energy. And while her offscreen persona is a bit more like a younger Keira Knightly, Knightly too has an onscreen presence. Knightly is a capable actor while Stewart’s actual acting talent is still up for some major debate. It doesn’t mean the end of Stewart’s career. There are many, MANY actors who have long and successful careers playing the same person in every movie (Tom Cruise-angry man, Bruce Willis-angry gun toting crazy man, Angelina Jolie-tortured, just give me a gun already woman, Johnny Depp-just plain ol’ crazy icky man), Jennifer Lawrence is in a limited category. Likeable offscreen and crazy, CRAZY talented onscreen.

  4. toodles2you

    So a general GG discussion basically was all about JLaw.

    Okeee….can we talka bout how The Butler, lauded early, basically fizzled into nothingness and was not nominated for shite?

    How about the early buzz about 12YAS got crushed between American Hustle and well…everything else?

    Can we also discuss how no actor of color won an individual award either, and Chiwetel was up in *two* different categories and once again Kerry WAshington won fuck all?

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