I’ve been so lazy this summer. It’s horrible. My slightly-past-mid-year resolution is to be less lazy. Especially since award season and the inevitable deluge of films is rapidly approaching. August brings the last round of (potential) blockbusters for the summer movie season, but some smaller, prestige titles are also mixed in, trying to get an early jump on the bigger, flashier award bait to come over the next few months. But before we get there, we’ve got to get through summer’s swan song.
August 3
360
Brazilian director Fernando Meirelles has made a string of deep-thinking, provoking films over the last decade: City of God, The Constant Gardner and Blindness. 360 is an intersecting-plotline story that eventually coalesces into a compound narrative, not unlike a piece of music written in the round (it is inspired by La Ronde). Jude Law and Rachel Weisz are on the roster, and while it looks good, the August release date is a little bit of a handicap. Either it’s not quite as good as Meirelles’ previous films, or they think it’ll be too heavy to carry either way and are getting it out now, in order to meet an award-season DVD push.
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Oops, almost forgot this. Better late than never?
July 3
The Amazing Spider-Man
Better than I expected but still a bit stale, though Andrew Garfield is so perfect as Peter Parker that it’s totally worth a watch. Review here.
Well…May was kind of a bust. The Avengers was good. I’m looking forward to Moonrise Kingdom inching its way closer and closer to my local arthouse. But everything else kind of made me want to kill myself. Here’s hoping June is better—it’s already stronger for GI Joe: Retaliation being kicked to 2013 (partly to allow for reshoots to undo the fact that Channing Tatum got killed in the first five minutes, and partly to convert to 3D, but mostly because it blows chunks and Paramount stands a better chance of not taking a box office bath in fiery acid in the softer month of March).
Worth noting that there are a lot of strong indies coming out this month. You might have to exert yourself a little, but there are good movies to be seen.
June 1
A Cat in Paris
Nominated for the Best Animated Feature award earlier this year, A Cat in Paris is charming if you’re a fan of traditional animation but is a bit flat if you’re just looking for a good movie. It’s very stylish and lovely but the story—a cat who lives with a little girl whose father was murdered and at night is the accomplice of a cat burglar and gets entangled with the gangsters who killed his little girl’s dad—is too twee for adults and too heavy for kids. I’d recommend it for animation buffs but not for anyone else.
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Apartment 143
You know what movie I hated so much I wanted to set myself on fire while watching it? Buried. I’d have done anything to stop seeing that movie while I was watching it (yeah…that sounds right). Buried took one of the biggest bed-shits I’ve ever seen a movie take. Just a dinosaur’s shit’s worth of poo on that bed. What a fucking awful movie.
Apartment 143 was written by Rodrigo Cortes, who directed Buried. Guilty by association.
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Battlefield America
Based on this title, I imagine Battlefield America to be a either a documentary about something political, or an alien-invasion flick. But no, Battlefield America is about a team of breakdancing children on an underground dance competition circuit, brought to you by the folks behind You Got Served.
It’s no Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. (Which, SHUT UP, that movie is AWESOME.)
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For Greater Glory
In the 1920’s a war was fought in Mexico, called the Cristeros War, prompted by the government’s attempt to secularize the country. This movie is about that war, and it stars up-and-comer Oscar Isaac (Drive), Peter O’Toole, Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace)…and Eva Longoria. One of these things is not like the others.
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High School
A stoner comedy starring one of the most truly random casts I’ve seen in a while. Colin Hanks, Mykelti Williamson, Adrien Brody? You know you’ve fucked your career up when you go from Oscar to high school stoner comedy.
I actually think this looks pretty funny. Not in a run-right-out-and-see-it way, but in a late-night-Netflix kind of way. It’s about a smart kid who gets baked and then gets a school drug test sprung on him and conspires to get his whole school high so no one will notice he failed his drug test, thus not jeopardizing his entire future.
Is it a downside or upside to legalizing pot that movies like this wouldn’t get made?
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The Loved Ones
This Australian horror flick about a prom gone wrong has had horror geeks jizzing in their pants since 2009, and it’s finally getting released stateside, albeit in a limited fashion and, I understand, after undergoing some inauspicious edits. The horror community talks about this like it’s a must-see, so if you’re into that sort of thing, I guess I’d recommend finding it, but go for the original Aussie version, not whatever edited bullshit they’re showing at the cineplex.
Why do people keep cutting down stuff for America? WE’RE NOT THAT PRUDISH.
We eat people’s faces here.
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Piranha 3DD
For what it was—intentionally made B-grade horror/comedy—Piranha 3D was pretty solid. Mostly, it benefitted from Adam Scott (Parks & Rec). I’m willing get down with Piranha 3DD, but not at the going rate of a 3D movie at my local cinema ($16). This is a Netflix for sure, but again, horror fans, this one’s for you.
Snow White and the Huntsman
You have to give Universal credit that, for their centenary, they’ve really taken on a “go big or go home” attitude toward their slate. Paramount is also celebrating 100 years in business and their roster isn’t nearly as ambitious as Universal’s. In fact, they’ve already kicked two of their highest-profile titles for 2012 to 2013 (GI: Joe 2 because apparently it needed more C Tates and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters because…let’s face it, it probably sucks big time). But Universal is slinging spaghetti at that wall like it’s going out of style and they’re not backing down on any of it, not even the bed-wetting Battleship.
Snow White and the Huntsman is one of their most ambitious titles this year, featuring a big-name cast with Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth, coming off a massive win with The Avengers. It’s a retelling of the classic fairytale, set not in a Disney forest but a much more dark and grim Medieval landscape. Reviews are mixed and I think your enjoyment of this film will rest entirely on your tolerance for fantasy, Kristen Stewart, and hammy villains.
June 6
The Do-Deca-Pentathlon
Filmmaking brothers of the Duplass variety follow up last year’s charming, under-appreciated Jeff, Who Lives at Home with the Do-Dec (that’s what the cool kids are calling it I’m just too lazy to type all that out), the story of brothers competing in their own 25 event Olympics. The Duplass Brothers make interesting movies that are often as flawed as they are humane, and I’m a huge fan, so I will be seeking this one out. They’re funny but in that funny-weird way, not so much funny-haha. If fairytale monsters and stuff blowing up aren’t your thing, this is an arthouse release that may well be worth finding.
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June 8
Bel Ami
Robert Pattinson stars in this adaptation of Guy de Maupassant’s novel about the rise of Georges Duroy, an impoverished ex-soldier, in Belle Epoque Paris. From the get this was a tough undertaking, as Duroy is one of literature’s most unapologetic reprobates, and the current climate is less than favorable toward stories about assholes getting away with their assholery. It made for a rough editing period, trying to “fix” an ending that rewards a massive jerk for being a massive jerk while staying true to the source material. Reviews haven’t been awesome, but there’s enough star power in the cast—Pattinson is joined by Uma Thurman, Kristin Scott Thomas and Christina Ricci—to make it worthwhile to fans.
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Dark Horse
Writer/director Todd Solondz has his fans but I am not one of them. His movies are like…voluntarily letting someone stick used Q-Tips in your eyes. There’s Welcome to the Dollhouse, and then ever since then, it’s like those Q-Tips just get closer and closer until they’re being jabbed into your eyeball by the time you get to Palindromes. Despite the presence of Selma Blair, this is one is a pass.
LA/NYC
Lola Versus
Indie darling Greta Gerwig (Damsels in Distress, Greenberg) stars in a hipster romantic comedy, which means it begins where most rom-coms end—with a wedding. Lola is dumped just three weeks before her wedding, and then she has a series of episodes while coming to terms with being single on the eve of thirty.
…Shit. I’m single on the eve of thirty. So this is like…my movie?
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Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
The only thing I can think of whenever I see a commercial for this movie is Chris Rock talking about recording a voice over part with such disdain at the Oscars.
Prometheus
I’m not much of a sci-fi fan, so this movie is a little outside my wheelhouse, but the cast is loaded with people I like—Guy Pearce, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Noomi Rapace—so that’s a plus. I’m not as sold on this being the transformative film experience that Alien was, but, eh. I’m alone in that, I know (although some of the early reviews sound like the critics are forcing themselves to like it a little more than they actually do because everyone got caught up in the hype machine). So yeah, yell at me for not “getting it” or whatever but I don’t have extraordinary hopes for this movie. Although the viral videos have been awesome.
Safety Not Guaranteed
Do you remember that classified ad that went around years ago, about the guy looking for a companion for time travel? This movie is based on that, and stars Aubrey Plaza (Parks & Rec, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), Jake Johnson (New Girl) and Mark Duplass (one half of the Duplass Brothers). It’s got strong reviews coming out of Sundance and SXSW, and is another of my must-finds at the arthouse this summer.
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June 15
Rock of Ages
WHAT THE FUCK
is wrong with Tom Cruise’s torso?
That’s My Boy
Adam Sandler took a huge dump and it came out as That’s My Boy. He’s currently back in the bathroom, shitting out Grown Ups 2. There is no empirical way to measure how much contempt Adam Sandler has for us all, but he keeps making these soul-destroyingly bad movies, so it must be an awful lot.
The Woman in the Fifth
Ethan Hawke and Kristin Scott Thomas star in this movie about an American writer (Hawke) who flees a stateside scandal for Paris and falls in with a mysterious widow (Scott Thomas) who might be involved in some murders. Fifth was well-received at TIFF last year, and Hawke tends to be at his best in these moody, atmospheric dramas. It sounds kind of interesting but not particularly urgent.
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Your Sister’s Sister
Mark Duplass’s second acting effort this summer is in writer/director Lynn Shelton’s (Humpday) film about a guy who sleeps with his friend’s sister after his brother died and ends up having one of those only-in-the-movies-is-everyone-this-honest-after-merely-a-day-of-knowing-one-another revelatory periods. This was well-received at Sundance and co-stars Emily Blunt and Rosemarie DeWitt (Rachel Getting Married).
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June 22
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
I LOVED this book and I want to like the movie so bad, but the trailers have not been encouraging. Something about it just seems…too heavy? Like maybe this should have played a little more tongue in cheek? I’m not quite sure what’s setting me off, but something about it is hitting a sour note. Fingers crossed that it’s just a shitty trailer and the movie will be awesome. Because the book is super good, and super fun to read. Maybe that’s it? Maybe this doesn’t feel fun enough.
Brave
Pixar rebounds after the soulless Cars 2 with their first stab at a princess movie. Merida is a tomboy Scottish princess during the Dark Ages who would really rather not be auctioned off as a bride. She’s spunky and smart and gets shit done, but there’s a plot point that’s bugging me and the more I think about it, the more it kind of wrecks the movie for me. Still, this is the heartfelt Pixar fare we’ve come to take for granted, and the animation is stellar. Merida’s hair is a work of ART.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
I cannot wait to see this. Counter-programming for the adults in the room, Seeking stars Steve Carell and Keira Knightley as people trying to make the most of the last 3 weeks on Earth before a meteor hits and ends the world. Basically, Melancholia without the wedding and the boring existential bullshit.
To Rome, With Love
Coming off his biggest commercial hit ever, Midnight in Paris, which also garnered Woody Allen an Oscar, Allen continues his trek across Europe, this time dropping his neuroses-by-proxy in Italy. Europe has proved to be fertile ground for Allen, as Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Midnight are two of his most tolerable films and easily the best he’s made since 1981. If you’re an Allen fan, you’ll probably love this, but if, like me, he does nothing for you, this is sure to be more of the same.
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June 27
Beasts of the Southern Wild
This was the big standout at Sundance and is just coming off a strong showing at Cannes. Beasts is looking like an early but inevitable Oscar nomination, as recent years have seen one of these summer indies make it all the way to the Dolby Theater, or whatever the fuck they’re calling the Kodak now. I’m actually really into seeing this. It’s about a little girl in the Louisiana bayous during the apocalypse, or just after it, or something. Magical realism!
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June 29
Madea’s Witness Protection
How is this not incredibly offensive? I’ll allow that the first Madea movie is not without redeeming qualities, but at this point, Tyler Perry is making a cartoon of a cartoon and I don’t get why he’s still allowed to do this. He’s like Eddie Murphy, but he skipped the part where he makes good movies like Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America. It’s just all Pluto Nash, all the time.
Magic Mike
Steven Soderbergh reteams with his Haywire star, Channing Tatum, to make the ultimate beefcake movie, based on C Tates’ stripper past. It’s easy to make a sausage fest joke here, but the reality is that early word after industry screenings is that Magic Mike is actually pretty good. There’s also been some buzz about Matthew McConaughey’s work as a stripper turned club owner (a part he was born to play, as it does not require shirts), which has kicked off my McConaughey Oscar 2013 campaign. Of course I want to see this as it’s a bunch of smoking hot dudes taking their clothes off, but I’m also into McConaughey rediscovering his talent and returning to proper acting. It’ll be interesting to see how this one shakes out.
People Like Us
Chris Pine is another one of those “on paper, I should be totally into this but in reality, I’m not feeling it” guys. However, I do like him as an actor. I don’t think he’s great or anything, but he gets the job done and was quite enjoyable as Kirk in the Star Trek reboot. People Like Us, however, is all about Pine trying to convince me he’s a proper actor who should like, be up for awards and stuff. (Haha, no.) Co-starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Elizabeth Banks, it’s about a guy whose dead father leaves him a bunch of cash to give to his unacknowledged, illegitimate half-sister, who has a precocious kid. These types of movies always have precocious kids.
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Take This Waltz
Actress Sarah Polley has turned into a formidable writer/director, proving that Away From Her was not a fluke with her sophomore feature effort, Take This Waltz, being every bit as painfully emotionally naked and sensitively drawn as Away From Her. For my money, Polley is the most worthwhile filmmaker Canada has produced since Atom Egoyan, and while Egoyan is a formidable artist, I enjoy watching Polley’s movies more (even if they do make me cry). Take This Waltz HURTS. If you’ve been through an affair, it’s probably extra-special painful. But it’s a damn good movie and the performances of Michelle Williams, Luke Kirby and Seth Rogen ought to at least be part of the conversation come award season. Everyone’s making a big deal out of Lena Dunham, but I think Polley is the most intriguing young female voice in cinema right now.
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Ted
I liked Mark Wahlberg in The Other Guys. For a guy that can get his back up in real life over the silliest “insults”, he’s pretty game to look stupid in front of a camera. And I’m down with the concept of Ted, from Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, of a little boy who wishes his teddy bear real, and then grows up with his living teddy bear as his best friend. I just…it sounds so much like Wilfred. Already I’m thinking “derivative”, which might not be fair because McFarlane could have had this idea ages ago, but I was aware of Wilfred first, so there you go. The trailer is ok. Wahlberg’s character makes Ted the Bear move out when he gets serious with his girlfriend, hijinks ensue, and I’m sure we all learn about friendship along the way. The gimmick of the bear being “real” seems to be the basis of most of the humor and, well, I’m not sure that will sustain a full-length film. Like, I don’t think I’d want to see a Wilfred movie, either. So we’ll see. I want to like it—I haven’t seen a good comedy since 21 Jump Street, but I’m skeptical.
It’s here! It’s here! Summer movie season is here at last! And 2012 is shaping up to be a killer summer at the movies. We’ve got two potential billion-dollar superheroes, a handful of promising comedies, princesses on the warpath and cartoons about dead people. It’s gonna be a good summer.
May 4
A Little Bit of Heaven
Kate Hudson stars in this romantic comedy about a woman with terminal cancer.
Yes, really.
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The Avengers
Joss Whedon manages the egos and interests of six superheroes and a supervillain to awesome, face-rocking results. Full review here.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Or, old British people fall in love in India.
No seriously, this has been earning decent reviews all year and stars a hit parade of formidable British talents such as Bill Nighy, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith and Tom Wilkinson. It’s about a group of retirees who decide to head to cheaper India to while out their retirement at the newly-restored Marigold Hotel. Except the place isn’t quite as advertised, and as they deal with less than romantic reality of living in India, they discover new things about themselves and each other.
I’m trying really hard not to sound sarcastic about this cutesy plot and it’s not working, is it?
LOL
Miley Cyrus’s ill-fated “comedy” was destined for the straight-to-DVD bargain bin except that foreign sales were predicated on a US release, so Lionsgate is giving LOL a very basic, extremely limited theatrical run with no press to meet that requirement. Which means the movie blows chunks.
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May 11
Dark Shadows
Seems like most people are well and truly over Johnny Depp and his eccentric roles, but Depp apparently isn’t. He reteams with Tim Burton to bring a campy nighttime soap opera about a vampire, his lost love, and the jealous witch that cursed him to the big screen. And while everyone also seems done with Burton/Depp and their fruity movies, the trailer looks like a throwback to Beetlejuice and I’m kind of digging it. It’ll be interesting to see how audiences respond to this, if the masses really are burned out on Burton/Depp or if that’s just internet complaining.
Girl in Progress
Just in time for Mother’s Day, Eva Mendes stars as a self-absorbed single mom who neglects her kid in favor of having an affair. The kid then embarks on some hare-brained scheme. Chaos ensues, lessons are learned, and everyone hugs.
Goddamn it, I wasn’t going for sarcasm there either. It’s just that all these movies sound so bad.
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Hick
Blake Lively and Chloe Grace Moretz (Hugo, Kick-Ass) star in this adaptation of Andrea Portes’ critical darling of novel. The story follows runaway Luli (Moretz) as she hitchhikes across the country and encounters seedy characters like Eddie (Eddie Redmayne, My Week with Marilyn) and coke-addled Glenda (Lively). I heard okay things about this after TIFF last fall, but there is some godawfully stupid dialogue in the trailer, so I’m not sure I trust the people telling me no really, it’s actually good.
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May 16
The Dictator
I’m a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen and his immersion-style comedy, but his movies have been a mixed bag so far. I adored Borat but Bruno only worked in bits and pieces. The Dictator is not as free-form as Borat and Bruno, and while I think the trailer looks funny, I wonder if the overall conceit—Middle Eastern dictator gets “lost in New York” while on a trip to the UN—isn’t too much like Borat. Some footage screened at Cinemacon last month, though, and was well received. I feel like there will be no middle ground with this one—it will either be really funny or completely fall flat.
May 18
Battleship
By the time Battleship opens stateside, it will have already earned around two hundred million dollars. It’s big and dumb and loud, but the SFX are pretty stunning and the action, once it gets going, never really stops. This is Universal trying to horn in on the box office bonanza Paramount has been enjoying over the last five years with Hasbro and Transformers, and Battleship does indeed have a lot in common with the other franchise (see also: big, dumb, loud). Peter Berg recycles several members of his beloved Friday Night Lights, including star Taylor Kitsch, but for some reason foists both non-actresses Rihanna AND Brooklyn Decker on us. This is a stupid movie—it’s based on a board game, after all—but it’ll make a bunch of money anyway. Although I’m not sure it will be able to top The Avengers, which could very well have a three-week stranglehold on the box office by this point.
Hysteria
Hysteria is based on the true story of how vibrators were invented to spare doctors from painful hand cramping because back in the Victorian era, “female hysteria” was cured by a doctor getting off his patient. Starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hugh Dancy (Martha Marcy May Marlene), reviews have been mixed. The central complaint is that it’s obviously going for edgy, dark, social-commentary comedy but never quite gets down and dirty enough to deliver. To me the central problem is that Maggie G sticks out like a sore thumb in a period piece. That is not an old-fashioned face.
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What to Expect When You’re Expecting
This is a movie based on a very popular book about what it’s like to be pregnant. The ensemble cast includes Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Anna Kendrick, Chris Rock, Dennis Quaid and Megan Mullaly. The Cult of Mommyhood will ensure this is a success. Me and my kid-hating, arctic tundra of a womb will be giving it a pass.
May 25
Chernobyl Diaries
It’s basically Paranormal Activity but at the site of a nuclear meltdown. So instead of ghosts, it’s nuclear mutants. Or something. Looks stupid. I’m over the “found footage” horror fad. If you’re craving horror but looking for quality, seek out Cabin in the Woods or Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (which is on Netflix Instant, I think).
The Intouchables
The Weinstein Company imports this French comedy/drama about an aristocrat who is paralyzed after a sporting accident and hires a criminal-type as his caretaker. It features French stars Francois Cluzet (Monster in Paris) and Omar Sy (Micmacs).
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Men in Black III
Ten years after Men in Black II, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are back as alien-wrangling Agents J and K. It’s a time travel plot so Josh Brolin is in to play the younger version of K and his impression of Jones is eerily accurate. This movie looks like a mess and sounds really dumb, but I don’t want to bet against Will Smith. So it’ll make a bunch of money, even if it does suck.
Moonrise Kingdom
Wes Anderson made three movies (Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums) that launched him to indie-god status (they were good, better, best). Then he made The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, which isn’t as bad as people say but is still pretty meh. And then came The Darjeeling Limited which is yikes (I blame Adrien Brody, who was already on his douche-spiral when they made the film). After taking a couple years to regroup, amusing himself with stop-motion animation in the interim, Anderson came back with the stellar The Fantastic Mr. Fox. And now, five years after Darjeeling, he’s returned to live-action films with Moonrise Kingdom. It’s got a big ensemble cast featuring Bruce Willis, Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Jason Schwartzman and Edward Norton, and a twee plot that sounds very Wes Anderson (young lovers in a 1960’s New England island town run away and the town sets out to find them). It looks like Anderson is back on form and as a huge fan of four of his films, I’m really looking forward to this one.
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August 5
The Change Up
When I reviewed Horrible Bosses earlier this summer, I noted that I wanted someone to let Jason Bateman be more than the straight man in a comedy. I should have qualified my statement—I want someone to let Bateman be more than the straight man in a good comedy. The Change-Up looks awful, which is counter-intuitive as I like Bateman and Leslie Mann (Funny People and wife of Judd Apatow), and I enjoy Ryan Reynolds in comedic roles more than I do in serious ones. We won’t speak of Olivia Wilde, who brings her incredibly bad luck (everything she’s in tanks) with her. Yet The Change-Up looks terrible. Why? Because body-switching comedies aren’t funny. The only switch comedy that’s funny is Trading Places and that has a lot to do with Eddie Murphy in his prime. It also has a lot to do with the circumstances between the two primary characters being wildly different. (Don’t get on me about Big—it’s a great movie but it’s not a straight comedy.) In The Change-Up we have two good looking white dudes in privileged circumstances changing places. The single guy has kids now! The married man is dating! Haha! So funny! This is the sound of my heart breaking.
Gun Hill Road
This is one of those little human dramas that always feels a bit out of place in summer but probably isn’t strong enough to stand up during the traditionally more drama-oriented fall/winter, either. Gun Hill Road is about an ex-con (Esai Morales) who returns home after three years in prison to find his wife (Judy Reyes, Scrubs) is now estranged and his teenaged son is in the process of discovering himself (herself?) as a transvestite. The son, Michael/Vanessa, is played by Harmony Santana in her debut role. She got a lot of praise for her work in Gun Hill Road at Sundance amidst mixed reviews for the film overall. I want to see this for Santana alone, I just don’t think I’m going to run out and spend $13 on it.
Magic Trip
Back in the 1960’s Ken Kesey, writer of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest got into a psychedelic bus with the “Merry Band of Pranksters” and Neal Cassady (immortalized as Dean by Jack Kerouac in On the Road) and they filmed their trip to New York. Stanley Tucci steps into this documentary about that trip as the present-day narrator and interviewer who provides some attempt at a frame for the story, as directed by documentarian Alex Gibney (Client 9, Freakonomics). There’s a lot of criticism that this doc provides little to no insight about the 1960’s and the hippie era, but I would like to point out that EVERYONE WAS STONED OUT OF THEIR MINDS. The footage is basically home video stuff shot by a bunch of dudes rocked off their gourds. So yeah, expecting coherency is just setting yourself up for disappointment. If you’re a Beat fan, a Kesey fan, a Cassady fan, a 1960’s fan and/or a fan of psychedelic bus trips, this movie’s for you.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
This also looks awful yet is getting weirdly positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. Right now, I’m attributing this to the fact that no one can stand to listen to James Franco explain how we’re not “getting” him yet again, so they’re just saying nice things about his new movie so he won’t get offended. I’ll get back to you next week after I see the movie about why it really sucks (I can tell it sucks. It’s a gift). Also starring Freida Pinto, and Andy Serkis as a bunch of monkeys.
The Whistleblower
Rachel Weisz makes an Oscar bid in this inspired-by-true-events story of a UN peacekeeper who discovers a vast sex-trafficking ring within the UN. The trailer reads taut and dramatic but…I have that sneaking suspicion the movie isn’t as good as they’re making it seem. I love Weisz—so talented, so gorgeous, so good for gossip—but her taste level is…questionable. She doesn’t always pick winners (see also: Agora, My Blueberry Nights, The Fountain). She was making a lot better choices 5+ years ago (The Constant Gardner, Sunshine, About a Boy). This movie does, however, costar sexy beast David Strathairn. So there’s that.
August 10
The Help
There’s some award buzz building for this movie already, even though we’re waaaaaay too far out to really start discussing that, and also, it’s coming out in August, not September, which means it probably isn’t quite as strong as people want us to believe. Still, Emma Stone abandons her big-eyed, hand-wavy romcom schtick for a more serious turn in this adaptation of Kathryn Stockett’s novel about life in segregated Mississippi. I didn’t love the book as much as everyone else did, but it should translate well to the screen, especially with this cast—Stone is joined by the always excellent Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer (Peep World), Jessica Chastain (Tree of Life), Bryce Dallas Howard (Twilight Saga: Eclipse) and Allison Janney.
August 12
30 Minutes or Less
We’ve had a decent batch of comedies this year—much improved over the comedic wasteland of 2010—but with the exception of The Trip, nothing has been gut-busting funny. Bridesmaids got pretty close but it was a bit too inconsistent, especially at the end, to really follow through. I’m hoping 30 Minutes or Less delivers us the big laughs. Director Ruben Fleischer scored a couple years ago with Zombieland and here he reunites with his Zombieland star Jesse Eisenberg, as well as Aziz Ansari (Parks & Recreation), Danny McBride and stand-up comic Nick Swardson (Reno 911). These are all people I like (well, except for Ansari but I can deal), and the premise sounds funny. A pizza delivery boy (Eisenberg) is kidnapped by a couple of low-life criminals (McBride and Swardson) who strap a bomb vest onto him and force him to rob a bank. He enlists the help of his friend (Ansari) and chaos ensues. The trailers have been consistently funny and I don’t feel like they’re spoiling the best bits. Finger’s crossed.
Final Destination 5
A group of attractive teens escape certain death during a bridge collapse thanks to a well-timed premonition. Death then finds increasingly absurd ways to kill off the attractive teens, because as we all know by #5 in this series of awful “horror” movies, Death doesn’t like to be cheated.
Remember when Devon Sawa starred in the original Final Destination? Remember when Devon Sawa was a thing?
Glee Live!
I can’t believe how much I used to love Glee and now it’s come to this.
Senna
I have not heard one bad thing about this documentary about Brazilian Formula 1 racing legend Ayrton Senna. Directed by Asif Kapadia (Far North), Senna traces the career and untimely death of Senna and the legacy he’s left behind. This is pretty obscure subject matter for US audiences but people just rave about this movie and everyone emphasizes that you don’t have to be a Formula 1 fan to enjoy it. Docs like this always interest me—I like watching documentaries about subjects on which I am completely uninformed. If I can find this in theaters I’ll probably see it.
August 19
Conan the Barbarian
Grunting Neanderthal Jason Momoa (Game of Thrones) doesn’t cook my goose if you catch my drift, but he comes across as a fairly nice, if self-involved, dude in real life. He seems like a happy go lucky surfer/extreme athlete sort. And he does have a base, grunting-Cro-Magnon-man kind of appeal on screen. I’d rather Momoa than that half-evolved missing link Channing Tatum, I suppose. The remake of Conan the Barbarian (originally starring Arnold Schwarzenegger) is supposed to be Momoa’s big film break (he’s been playing various beefcakes on TV for a while) and it looks, well, laughably bad. But maybe also fun? I’ll get back to you on that.
Flypaper
With topliners like Patrick Dempsey and Ashley Judd you think this movie would be getting more attention, but it’s not. Flypaper is about a guy (Dempsey) who saves a bank teller (Judd) during a robbery in which two rival gangs end up in a Mexican standoff and everyone gets sealed inside the bank when the night security kicks in. Sounds like it could be humorous but reviews are mixed-to-bad. Tim Blake Nelson, Jeffrey Tambor and Mekhi Phifer also star.
Fright Night
Holy hell Colin Farrell looks good in this movie. I know he’s an emotional black hole and that shouldn’t be attractive but sweet Christ. He’s so hot. He stars with Anton Yelchin (Like Crazy, Charlie Bartlett), Toni Collette and English actress Imogen Poots (Cracks) in this remake of the 1980’s vampire flick. Yelchin stars as Charley, a high school student who comes to suspect that his neighbor, Jerry (Farrell), is a vampire. He’s helped to this realization by a classmate, Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Kick Ass). Charley must then destroy Jerry in order to protect his mother (Collette) and his girl (Poots). This looks like nice, cheesy fun. Skip Final Destination 5 and see this instead.
Also, Imogen Poots needs to date Benedict Cumberbatch. They’d be the most ludicrously-named couple in Hollywood.
One Day
I know a lot of you are anxious for this one but movies like this piss me off. Keep in mind that I haven’t read the book, but just looking at the trailer I can tell you that Dex and Emma are IDIOTS. They have a passionate night in their early twenties and then blow TWENTY YEARS not being happy together. You know what movie I hate? Serendipity (Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack fall in love but instead of trading numbers like normal human beings, they decide to leave it to fate to reunite them) . One Day reminds me of Serendipity. Like—oh look, you’re my soulmate and I’m feeling all these feelings and I think I might love you and this is special and rare and should be treasured but instead of being courageous and fighting for this, for you, I’M GOING TO WALK AWAY BECAUSE TEEHEE FATE IS ADORBS! Fate sucks. Put your trust in fate and you’re going to get fucked over every time. You know what movie I love? Say Anything. You know why? Because Lloyd Dobler never stops fighting for Diane but when she needs to be brave and fight for him, she does. There’s no cutesy fate bullshit in Say Anything. Just Lloyd and Diane, fighting for one another. Sigh. Now that’s romantic.
Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World
Poor Joel McHale. Poor, poor Joel McHale. I can only assume that he ran over some Dimension exec’s dog and this is how he’s making up for it. There is no other explanation for his involvement in this tripe.
August 26
Brighton Rock
Up and coming young English things Sam Riley (Control, the upcoming On the Road) and Andrea Riseborough (Made in Dagenham and she is Madonna’s Wallis Simpson in W.E.) star in this adaptation of Graham Greene’s novel about a thug who marries the woman who witnesses him murdering someone. Helen Mirren, John Hurt and Andy Serkis in a human role round out the principal cast. I feel like I should care about this because of everyone involved, but I also feel like they’ve all done, or will do, more interesting work.
Colombiana
Zoe Saldana is so gorgeous. SOOOOOO gorgeous. She has shit taste in clothes but goddamn does she have a Face. She’s so pretty and fun to watch on screen that sometimes I don’t notice she’s not a very good actress. Do you think she can act? I don’t think she can act. She just coasts on her raft of presence and pretty. But I don’t care. I like watching her movies. She’s never ruined anything for me. Colombiana is exactly the kind of movie I think of her making, too, stuff that Angelina Jolie would have made fifteen years ago. Colombiana is Saldana’s Hackers. Colombiana is about a young girl who sees her parents murdered and then she grows up to be an assassin who is tracking down the people who killed her parents. Basically The Professional except in Columbia and the girl does the killing herself.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
I would be all over this Guillermo del Toro production (he also co-wrote the script), an intriguing-looking horror story about creatures inhabiting a house and trying to steal the daughter of the household (Bailee Madison, Just Go With It). Guy Pearce also stars, continuing his “I’ve kicked the heroin” comeback tour. Except del Toro hired Katie Holmes. I cannot stand Katie Holmes, Actress. SHE IS TERRIBLE. I hated her on Dawson’s Creek and I hate her in every movie I see her in. She was the WORST presence and NO TALENT and always looks/sounds like she’s about to cry. And her mangled legs are so distracting any time she’s in frame from the waist down. I would’ve liked The Kennedys so much more if ANYONE ELSE had played Jackie O. Fuck, a turnip could’ve played Jackie O and it would have been better than Katie Holmes.
I blame Tom Cruise for this.
Higher Ground
Vera Farmiga (Source Code, Up in the Air) makes her directorial debut with Higher Ground, a film about a woman’s struggle with her faither. Farmiga plays Corrine, who, as a young mother, is baptized as an Evangelical Christian after her child is spared during an auto accident. You would expect a movie like this to have a judgey tone towards Evangelicals, since that’s the stereotype of how Hollywood portrays people of faith, but Farmiga presents a very normal portrait of Evangelical life. Corrine lives in the ’burbs, is married, has friends, talks about sex, raises her kids, with whom she sometimes fights. Interwoven throughout is the strong thread of her faith, which she sometimes struggles with. You get the sense that Corrine’s husband is a believer only because his wife is, and that he resents that, and that though Corrine holds tightly to her beliefs she doesn’t always agree with them. It’s a pretty deep and complex look at the Evangelical lifestyle, especially coming from a first-time director. Not a bad debut for Vera Farmiga, Director.
Our Idiot Brother
Brother and sister filmmaking duo Jesse and Evgenia Peretz cooked up this love letter to Paul Rudd (Jesse directs and Evgenia co-wrote the script). Rudd stars as Ned, a Happy Stoner who crashes with each of his three sisters in succession after he’s released from jail. This looks cute and Rudd seems perfect as Ned—he should since the role was written for him—but nothing about this strikes me as anything more than a middle of the road comedy. Like, I bet there’s a moral at the end. Something about accepting one another, and knowing when to relax and when to be responsible. Don’t get me wrong, the movie doesn’t look bad, it just looks like we’ve probably seen it before, you know? Big plus in its favor, though, is Steve Coogan as one of Ned’s brothers-in-law. You can’t go wrong with Coogan.
August 31
The Debt
Whatever movies Olivia Wilde isn’t in this year, Jessica Chastain is. 2011 is the breakout year for Chastain, who was excellent in Tree of Life and still has the intriguing Take Shelter later this year (and The Help, mentioned above). The Debt is a then-and-now story, with Helen Mirren, Tom Wilkinson and Ciaran Hinds starring as the “now” versions of Mossad agents Rachel, David and Stefan (though “now” is 1997). Sam Worthington, Chastain and Marton Csokas (The Bourne Supremacy) star as the younger versions of the agents, working in the 1960’s. This played to generally positive reviews at TIFF last fall and the trailer is decent—tight if a little obtuse. This doesn’t really scream “must see in theater” to me and will likely be shone down by that other spy thriller this year, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.
