The Golden Globes came and went, and while co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were really, really good (borderline terrific, even), they didn’t get nearly enough screen time. Everyone wanted them to come out more and tell great jokes about how being married to James Cameron is torture, or to warn Taylor Swift away from the under-age boys in the audience. However, the show did run a precise three hours. So maybe less interstitial bits from the hosts isn’t a bad thing, in general, it just speaks to how good Fey and Poehler were that we wanted so much more of them. The 2013 Golden Globes will also go down as the night Jodie Foster finally came out, even though her lifetime achievement award speech was so confusing everyone thought she retired by the end of it (no, she confirmed later, she did not). But what we’re really here for is to judge people because of their clothes, so let’s get to it—the best and worst of the Golden Globes fashion. Read more »
Archive for Golden Globes
Who will win, who should win. I feel a little at a disadvantage, though, because I still haven’t seen Zero Dark Thirty, which is obviously a major player.
Who will win: Lincoln
Who should win: Django Unchained
It occurred to me about 2 o’clock on Sunday that I’d forgotten to do my Golden Globe predictions. Oh well. I would’ve guessed The Artist and The Descendants for everything anyway, but I definitely would not have gotten Martin Scorsese for Best Director or Octavia Spencer for Best Supporting Actress. You can see the complete list of winners here. The Golden Globes are not a solid predictor of the Oscars because Oscar ballots are already returned before the Globes announce their winners, but I do think the nominee lists can and do overlap a great deal. For all the politicking that goes into the Oscars, there is still a large percentage of voters who are just lazy and/or indifferent who look at who gets nominated for the Globes and think, “Oh, I heard he/she/that movie was good, so I’ll put them down, too.” All the major Oscar nominees were at the Globes last night.
As for the best and worst dressed, you may notice there are no men on this list. Between the fact that they all looked the same—Colin Firth’s tux was astoundingly well tailored but it still looked like every other tux on the red carpet—I also had a terrible time finding fashion IDs for them, so I gave up. As always with Cinesnark, laziness is the rule, not the exception. On to the best and worst dressed, which we’ll fight about, no doubt.
Nicole Kidman made a return to my good graces in a studded Versace gown. I used to love Nicole 10-12 years ago. You know, the Divorce Years in the early aughts, when she had Moulin Rouge and that dark ruby red hair and was free and fun, post-Tom Cruise. Then…it started to freeze. Not fade, no, because despite whatever fear Nicole is nursing about aging, beauty like hers doesn’t fade. Not with that bone structure. But it did start to freeze. And then her lips, they exploded from the excessive jacking and she got scary and her fashion sense took a nosedive toward the doily and her hair went to that awful platinum shade that didn’t flatter her at all and she made Australia and killed my lady crush. But last night, with red hair once again, her face considerably less frozen and looking less third-lippy, she scored a sartorial win. First, the fit is crazy. She looks thin but not scarecrowy and the pleating on the bodice is doing wonders for her tits. Also, this gown is how Nicole used to be, when she consistently was one of the most fashion-forward people on the red carpet. So, for nostalgia’s sake and because this was one of the most interesting, least-pageant-bullshit gowns of the night, Nicole Kidman gets a tip o’the cap.
Also best dressed was The Descendants’ Shailene Woodley in, surprise, Marchesa. Usually, Marchesa is total pageant bullshit, but they do occasionally get it right. Last year, I almost loved Olivia Wilde’s Marchesa ballgown, but that dress was too bedazzled for my taste. Woodley’s gown, on the other hand, gets the beaded detailing right. It helps that it’s tone-on-tone, and that Woodley didn’t wear any statement jewelry to compete with the sparkles on her dress. It also helps that this dress is a fitted sheath and not a poofy gown, as it leaves the beaded detailing as the only real design element. It’s surprisingly understated for Marchesa. But where this gown really gets it right is in the absolutely flawless fit and Woodley’s simple styling. I’ve met Shailene Woodley. She’s a sweet girl and a huge hippy. If she showed up in heavy makeup and a sixty-pound ball gown, I’d be disappointed. But her simple, fresh makeup and soft chignon are true to her no-fuss roots. The overall look is young and pretty and decidedly unfussy.
The look on Jessica Chastain’s face in this boring, too-tight Givenchy gown clearly says, “Sad dresses make me sad.” It makes me sad, too, Jessie. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her here, but Chastain has a great figure. She’s petite but curvy and has great skin to boot, yet she consistently cannot dress herself in a flattering way. Personally, I think Chastain is a bit indifferent to fashion. Not that she thinks she’s above it or anything, she just isn’t a Fashion Girl and she doesn’t seem to have a particularly keen sense of style. So she leaves everything to a stylist, but her stylist clearly hates her. Dear Jessica: Fire your stylist.
Next up is Freida Pinto in teal blue Prada. It crushes me to put Pinto on this list as I love her and think she’s one of the most beautiful women you’ll find anywhere, and usually she wears interesting stuff on the red carpet. But this gown is not only two sizes too big but it’s so freaking BORING. The color is lovely, yes, and it looks great on Pinto, but that is all the dress has working for it. It’s too big and the belt detail combined with the box pleats is making teeny-tiny Pinto look extra hippy. And the texturing on the dress is less “visually intriguing” and more “cheap flocking”. It’s a bad miss for both Pinto and Prada. And I hate her bump-it hair.
I don’t actually hate Madonna’s Reem Acra gown. It would’ve looked great on, say, The Incomparable Cate Blanchett. It’s less than great on Madonna, however, but she makes this list solely for the way she said “REEM AHCRAH”.
Almost But Not Quite
I really liked Sarah Michelle Gellar in this watercolor/tie-dye print Monique Lhuillier, but it’s slightly too much dress for SMG. Her styling isn’t great and but really, she just doesn’t have enough of an edge for this dress. This dress should be on someone like Evan Rachel Wood, who has the attitude to pull it off, or Sofia Vergara, who makes everything fun. It’s not a bad look on SMG, which is why she’s an “almost”, it’s just not quite the right one for her, either.
Like Freida Pinto, it pains me to not absolutely love whatever Charlize Theron is wearing, in this case, an asymmetrical Dior gown. I think Charlize looks really good, but the diamond headband and overall colorlessness of the look are holding it back for me. Nothing is ever going to induce me to like the headband, but if you must do it, understated is better. Think Carey Mulligan at the 2010 Golden Globes. But the bigger problem is definitely that Charlize is basically a nine-foot-tall taupe stick. The dress, her skin, her hair—it’s all one color. Either pop some color in the makeup or with a colorful clutch, but she needed some oomph to offset the blush colored gown.
Battle of the Yellows
I know that we all wanted to punch Paula Patton in the face last night, but we’re not here to talk about how goddamned fucking annoying she was, ME ME ME-ing the shit out of every moment she could. We’re here to talk about how a number of ladies wore bright yellow (some would call it “Big Bird yellow”) and which of them did it best. In my book, the winner is definitely Paula Patton in a sunshine yellow Monique Lhuillier mermaid gown. The fit is excellent, the shade of yellow is perfect for her complexion, and her styling is solid. Maria Menounos’ yellow dress (couldn’t find the designer) is too tight, and the combination of the bright shade and the sequins is too much, bordering on cheap. And The Killing’s Mireille Enos’ yellow dress is unflattering and a little too grandma-chic with the lacey detailing and saggy bodice. As obnoxious as Patton was, her yellow looks was the best.
Not the Worst Thing Ever
See, this is how you do a colorless gown. Angelina Jolie’s—what are we calling this color? Champagne?—Versace has that red fold on the neckline that she then matched to her clutch and lipstick. That might be a bit too matchy-matchy for some of you, but I thought Angelina looked stunning. First, the dress isn’t a sack. Second, the red fold detail, the lipstick and her sleek hairstyle all emphasize that crazy amazing face. And the fit on this dress is nuts. It’s perfect! Shiny satin is almost impossible to pull off but Angelina does it by dint of tailoring the shit out of it. On anyone else this is not going to be a good look, but given how “Sister Wife No. 7” Angelina usually looks, this is a huge improvement, and thus, not the worst thing ever.
Emma Stone is both interested in fashion and still finding her sartorial voice—which leads to some interesting choices—and this Lanvin goddess gown echoes a look Stone has worked to positive effect before. She tall enough and slender enough to pull off the drapey goddess styles without looking like a feather duster. And this two-tone plum and fuchsia gown is stunning against her pale skin and auburn hair. Love her makeup, too, and her hair style. I don’t love the leather detailing on the dress, though. I would’ve liked it so much more without the epaulets on the shoulders and I definitely would’ve preferred a different, less, um…Third Reich-y belt. I know that’s just an eagle but it looks like it came from an Indiana Jones prop box. Still, Stone has the youth and attitude to work the quirkier styles, which makes this not the worst thing ever.
The Worst Thing Ever
Ah, here is Lea Michele in the bullshit Marchesa we know and loathe. I knew Shailene Woodley’s gown was an aberration. The top half of this dress is that sparkly-and-see-through ice skater chic Marchesa has been working for a couple seasons now, the bottom half is Vegas showgirl. And everything in between is Michele and her ridiculous hard posing (although she was not the biggest perpetrator of this last night). Also awful is her old-lady hair. Michele is a pretty young woman—why must she always dress like she’s a forty-three-year-old divorcee? It’s the worst thing ever.
Natalie Portman in a drunk-bridesmaids-pink Lanvin gown continues her streak as the vomit-inducing Natalie Never. If she keeps this type of bullshit up, I will never ever find a way to like her again. Portman is so pretty and has some real attitude—or she used to, before she created a creation and was taken over by a Stepford wife. This dress is gross. It’s a gross color, a gross style and Portman’s obvious “oh whatever” attitude about wearing it is gross. Natalie Never: The worst thing ever.
Best Trend: Fish Tails
There were a lot of mermaid gowns on the red carpet last night. More than usual, that it. Enough that I’d call it a trend, and it was my favorite of the night. The best examples of the fish tail were easily Evan Rachel Wood in forest-green Gucci and Sofia Vergara in sapphire Vera Wang. ERW’s gown is basically a mermaid costume, with the sequin details done in a fish-scale pattern, but she looks great and she’s legitimately weird enough to wear a mermaid costume on the red carpet and still work it to positive effect. My only wish for ERW is that she would darken the blonde hair a little bit. It’s too harsh and is aging her a bit. Vergara, meanwhile, demonstrates how flattering the fish tail is for curvy girls. The fit of this gown is phenomenal and the boob management is solid, but it’s the proportions that show off her crazy figure that make this such a good look for an hour glass figure.
Worst Trend: Headbands
Ugh. Headbands. I’m never going to like them. If you must wear one, the smaller, sleeker styles are best. Michelle Williams in purple Jason Wu demonstrates how a headband can make a good look go bad. Were it not for her twee and ridiculous headband, she probably would have been my best dressed (although I didn’t love this gown as much as I did her black and white Chanel). And I’m not down with Charlize Theron’s vintage diamond Cartier head piece either. She’s such a beautiful woman; she doesn’t need to gild the lily this much. Also, I feel like wearing such a head piece is basically like saying, “I really want to wear a tiara but don’t have a reason to.” Of course, Charlize was just portraying the Evil Queen in Snow White and the Huntsman, sporting an array of cool crowns. She’s probably still in “bedeck me in jewels, you peasant” mode.
The Tilda Swinton Award for SWINTON
Everybody’s Favorite Alien, Tilda Swinton, was in fine SWINTON form last night, in this periwinkle blue Haider Ackermann ensemble. Is this separates? Or is it a gown? I can’t quite tell. SWINTON works a lot of menswear looks, and the jacket of this gown is in keeping with that style, while the skirt is flattering and on trend with its mini-fish tail. I also love that SWINTON did her hair up like this, instead of slicking it down like she usually does. I feel like this is what her crown looks like, when she’s sitting in her proper place as queen of a dying alien race. Tilda Swinton, the most SWINTON of the night.
The Lea Michele Hard Posing Award
Meanwhile, the Lea Michele Hard Posing Award goes to Piper Perabo, who wore a see-through Theory gown and was either completely shitfaced or else lost her shit and went crazy on the red carpet. There’s not much I can say here, so I’ll let the photos speak for themselves.
When T texted me this morning about the nomination rundown, I said (out loud) to myself, “Oh shit, I forgot about that.” Then I said (also out loud, because I talk to myself), “Can we stop acting like the Globes mean anything so I don’t have to care about this?”
Say what you will about the Oscars—and I do say plenty—at the end of the day, the Academy is trying to nominate and reward excellence in filmmaking. Like any large body politic, there are varying opinions on what qualifies as “excellence”, but the Academy often goes for little movies no one saw over blockbusters that draw ratings because they genuinely feel like ratings shouldn’t matter in the process (well, some of them feel that way). But the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, a shadowy organization with almost no transparency, has increasingly become a group driven by the desire to be the biggest party on the block, with the most glittering people in glittering dresses, quality and artistic merit be damned. Case in point: Madonna’s universally derided W.E. received multiple nominations.
There’s no use bemoaning the lack of this or that—the HFPA will always nominate whoever they think will show up on the night and drink and party with them. They’re notoriously easy to lobby and they really don’t care what we think of them or their nominations because they’re getting everything they want out of this transaction. That said, I give them credit that this year’s line up is considerably less insane than last year’s. That’s the benefit of a year in which there is no clear-cut favorite, and the closest thing to a masterpiece (Drive) is highly divisive—it makes for a more open, richer field of nominees. Now, onto the breakdown. You can see the complete list of nominees here.
The Ides of March
Why are there six nominees here and only five everywhere else? I call bullshit! All of these are future Oscar nominees, except for The Ides of March which only on here to get George Clooney to show up.
Midnight in Paris
My Week with Marilyn
50/50! Yay! A well deserved nomination. But why is My Week with Marilyn on here? When was that movie funny? Or is it a musical because Michelle Williams sang at the beginning and danced a little? Also, I love that we live in a world in which we can pretend that Bridesmaids is even half as good as 50/50, or even The Artist. I didn’t super love The Artist, but then, I’m a nostalgia-hating monster with no soul (more on this later).
Best Animated Film
Puss in Boots
The Adventures of Tintin
Rango is my favorite cartoon of the year, and even though the HFPA and the Academy have nothing to do with one another, the Academy’s debate about where to categorize TinTin will be affected by its placement among animated films. And honestly, Spielberg better be crossing his fingers that neither TinTin nor War Horse win any major awards so that he can clean house with Lincoln in 2013.
Best Foreign Language Film
The Flowers of War
In the Land of Blood and Honey
The Kid With a Bike
The Skin I Live In
Angelina Jolie’s In the Land of Blood and Honey irritates some people as it’s an American production, but the key word here is language. No one is ever happy with that category because either you have “language”, which means it only has to be in Not-English, or you say “best foreign film” which opens the door to English-language productions. People bitch either way. They should just call this category what they really want it to be: Best Artsy Fartsy Movie Not In English.
Best Actor in a Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants
Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Upside: The Fassbender! Downside: Leonardo DiCaprio. J. Edgar just wasn’t that good, nor was it his best work. Also, why is The Gos nominated for The Ides of March and not Drive? I thought that the HFPA would be all over Drive.
Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris
Again with The Gos nominated for a role that isn’t Driver. Also, he was not the lead in Crazy Stupid Love. I am very happy to see that Brendon Gleeson got singled out for his work on The Guard, though, as he turned in a rather brilliant performance and deserves some credit for that. This will be a crazy handsome red carpet with Clooney, Pitt, The Gos, The Fassbender, JGL and stone cold French Fox Jean Dujardin.
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method
A blow to Andy Serkis’ “take my ping pong ball suit seriously” campaign as he and Rise of the Planet of the Apes are snubbed. Kenneth Branagh was really fantastic as Laurence Olivier in Marilyn, and I’m glad that Jonah Hill got some notice for Moneyball, but why Albert Brooks? I just didn’t think he was the best part of Drive.
Best Actress in a Drama
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin
This is a great line up and it gives some life to Glenn Close’s Oscar hopes. And we get everybody’s newest hate-on, Rooney Mara, in the mix, too. You know she’s going to have to work really hard to stop herself from saying, “This is the realization of everything I deserve.”
Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy
Jodie Foster, Carnage
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet, Carnage
The Carnage love feels a little out of left field, doesn’t it? And I love that we live in a world in which we can pretend that Kristen Wiig could beat any of these other ladies in an acting competition. Although she does really deserve a writing nod for Bridesmaids and I’m a little surprised she didn’t get that.
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet McTeer! Speaking of left field, but that’s a solid nomination. Everyone is talking about Melissa McCarthy’s snub in this category, but having seen all of these performances—they’re all better than she was. Yes, she was funny. Yes, she displayed some balls. No, Melissa McCarthy did not give the best supporting performance of the year.
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
As to be expected.
Best Screenplay for a Motion Picture
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, Kaui Hart Hemmings, The Descendants
Steve Zallian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Michael Lewis, Moneyball
George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, The Ides of March
As to be expected, though I continue to be surprised that the HFPA ignored Wiig and Annie Mumolo for Bridesmaids. I would definitely trade The Ides of March for a Bridesmaids nomination.
Best Original Score in a Motion Picture
Ludovic Bource, The Artist
Abel Korzeniowski, W.E.
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Howard Shore, Hugo
John Williams, War Horse
W.E.? Are you shitting me? Why not just send Madonna a nice fruit basket and ask her to come?
Best Original Song in a Motion Picture
“Hello Hello,” Gnomeo & Juliet
“The Keeper,” Machine Gun Preacher
“Lay Your Head Down,” Albert Nobbs
“The Living Proof,” The Help
Machine Gun Preacher but not The Muppets? Yeah, okay. And again, W.E.? I’m telling you, a nice fruit basket would be just as effective.
This is the second round of Golden Globe guessing on Cinesnark and I’m sure it will go just as badly as the first round. Although this year the HFPA’s nominations were so insane that there’s kind of a free-for-all, anything can happen vibe happening. So maybe my mostly random guesses will hit the mark a little more often this time around. Here is a complete list of nominees. Term to know: “Dart category”, which is a category in which any nominee deserves the win. As in, “throw a dart, they’re all good”. Now on to the “who should wins” and the “who will wins”.
Who will win: The King’s Speech
Who should win: The King’s Speech
I’m not swayed that the HFPA is as gung-ho about The Social Network as the Academy and guilds are, so I think The King’s Speech slides in for a win here.
Best Picture – Comedy or Musical
Who will win: The Kids Are All Right
Who should win: The Kids Are All Right
In a category that includes Burlesque, Red and The Tourist, The Kids Are All Right is the ONLY option.
Best Director – Motion Picture
Who will win: Tom Hooper, The King’s Speech
Who should win: Dart category
With nominees like Christopher Nolan, Darren Aronofsky, David Fincher, Tom Hooper and David O. Russell, there are no losers.
Best Actor – Drama
Who will win: Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
Who should win: Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
This is a dart category, too, but Firth has had this locked up for months.
Best Actor – Musical or Comedy
Who will win: Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack
Who should win: Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version
Despite Johnny Depp being (double) nominated in this category, the only person who deserves a win is Giamatti.
Best Actress – Drama
Who will win: Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Who should win: Dart category
I feel like these are all good actresses doing really good work and while I think Portman has all the momentum, I’d be fine with any of them winning.
Who will win: Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
Who should win: Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
Bening’s closest competition is her Kids costar Julianne Moore, but what does a win in this category mean when Angelina Jolie was nominated for the awfulness that was The Tourist?
Best Supporting Actor
Who will win: Christian Bale, The Fighter
Who should win: Christian Bale, The Fighter
You could flip a coin between Bale and The King Speech’s Geoffrey Rush and I’d be satisfied either way. Both gave excellent performances worthy of an award, it just feels more like Bale’s year. Andrew Garfield (The Social Network) or Jeremy Renner (The Town) would be fun surprise wins, but I don’t know what Michael Douglas is doing here. I know he’s been sick and everything, but Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was not a good movie and Douglas didn’t distinguish himself in it.
Best Supporting Actress
Who will win: Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom
Who should win: Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
I loved The King’s Speech so much and Bonham Carter’s upper-crusty Queen Elizabeth made the movie for me. So many subtle comic moments. But I think the Australian Weaver is the kind of out of nowhere surprise winner that makes for a nice Cinderella story, and everyone likes a Cinderella story.
Who will win: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network
Who should win: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network
It’s a perfect script. Not 100% true or accurate, but it’s witty, sharp, loaded with stinging quips and the mile-a-minute monologues that made Sorkin famous. Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumberg’s script for The Kids Are All Right would also be acceptable.
Best Animated Feature Film
Who will win: Tangled
Who should win: Dart category
The HFPA once gave Beauty and the Beast a Best Picture win—they have a soft spot for Disney. And this is the kind of category where they go in the complete opposite direction as everyone else.
Best Foreign Language Film
Who will win: Biutiful
Who should win: I Am Love (Io Sono L’amore)
I Am Love was the best foreign film, hands down. But Biutiful has all the momentum and also it’s a miserable depressing movie about miserable depressing things, so I’m sure critics love it ten thousand times more than I do for that reason.
Best Original Score
Who will win: Hans Zimmer, Inception
Who should win: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Social Network
Though I preferred the Reznor/Ross score from The Social Network and Alexandre Desplat’s delightful work for The King’s Speech, the Inception score became an internet meme this summer. It’s a populist win.
Who will win: “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”, Burlesque
Who should win: Something not nominated. I don’t know what. Just something…else.
This is a terrible category. The Tangled song is the least offensive of the lot but the music didn’t distinguish Tangled. Could we not nominate the BRAAAHM sound from Inception as a song?
Best Series – Drama
Who will win: Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
Who should win: The Walking Dead (AMC)
OF COURSE I think The Walking Dead should win, for the pilot alone. This is a dart category, though, and any of the winners would be deserving. Just as it was a good year for dramas at the movies, it was also a good year for dramas on television.
Best Series – Musical or Comedy
Who will win: Modern Family (ABC)
Who should win: 30 Rock (NBC)
I’m actually fine with Modern Family, 30 Rock or Nurse Jackie winning. I will revolt if Glee wins. I was all over it last year, but last year it was the best thing on TV. In just one year, however, Glee has pissed it all away on stunt casting, too many characters, and too many musical numbers. What a waste.
Who will win: Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
Who should win: Jon Hamm, Mad Men (AMC)
Minus Hugh Laurie, because I’m sick of him being nominated for House when the character never evolves, this is a dart category. I personally feel that Hamm did his best work to date this last season on Mad Men, but I think that the HFPA is going to be all over Boardwalk Empire.
Best Actor – Musical or Comedy
Who will win: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock (NBC)
Who should win: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
I chose those two based on covering my eyes and pointing at the nominee list. This category is awful. Baldwin and Carell are perfectly fine on their shows but it’s nothing new from either of them. Thomas Jane is a baffling nominee as Hung blows massive chunks and should never be viewed by anyone anywhere, ever, unless you’re using it to torture terrorists or something. Matthew Morrison’s nomination is obsolete since Glee sucks now and Mr. Schue’s sudden unlikeableness is a large part of the problem. Parsons is actually really enjoyable on the mostly-mediocre-but-occasionally-brilliant Big Bang Theory, but he isn’t given enough opportunities to stretch beyond the stereotypical uber-nerdiness of his character, Sheldon. It’s a waste of his considerable talent and a solid character. My five nominees would be: Adam Scott (Party Down), Glenn Howerton (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), Danny McBride (Eastbound & Down), Ken Marino (Party Down) and Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation). Isn’t that list SO MUCH BETTER?
Best Actress – Drama
Who will win: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife (CBS)
Who should win: Elizabeth Moss, Mad Men (AMC)
This a solid bunch of nominees, excepting Piper Perabo. While she’s perfectly enjoyable on the fun Covert Affairs, she’s basically a marshmallow in a bowl of cherry cordials. I believe season four was Moss’s best work yet on Mad Men and her character took huge leaps last year, but it feels like it’s going Margulies’ way.
Best Actress – Musical or Comedy
Who will win: Tina Fey, 30 Rock (NBC)
Who should win: Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie (Showtime)
As much as I love Fey, Falco’s work on Nurse Jackie is so stellar. Fey is dependable—I know she’ll always deliver on 30 Rock but Falco is like a revelation every episode of Nurse Jackie. As for the others, I didn’t find The Big C or United States of Tara to be anything special and Lea Michele increasingly revolts me.
Who will win: Temple Grandin (HBO)
Who should win: Temple Grandin (HBO)
Pillars of the Earth was ambitious but uneven, The Pacific was too derivative of that other World War II HBO miniseries produced by Tom Hanks, and Carlos and You Don’t Know Jack are good mostly because of their lead actors, not overall film quality. Temple Grandin is the only all-around effort here. And plus, it’s ten kinds of yay.
Best Actor – Miniseries or Movie
Who will win: Al Pacino, You Don’t Know Jack (HBO)
Who should win: Edgar Ramirez, Carlos (Sundance Channel)
There is a major, major oversight in this category. Starz’s Pillars of the Earth would have been utterly unwatchable without Eddie Redmayne. Redmayne is one of the most tremendously talented performers currently on the rise (he won a Tony last year for Red and can next been seen in theaters in My Week with Marilyn with Michelle Williams). There isn’t a space Redmayne can’t command and he has such a natural, easy presence that everything he does looks totally right at every moment. He just does not make bad decisions as an actor. Nowhere is this on better display than the eight-part Pillars, a mix of soap and religious drama set in medieval England. With very little aid from make-up (the final scene does utilize some aging make-up), Redmayne embodies a character over the course of thirty years, from near-silent awkward youth to confident, dominant man, and you completely buy the transition. There is a LOT of enthusiasm for Redmayne—I’ve heard directly from people who have worked with him that he is humble, polite, funny, sincere, and a host of other things that make him a pleasure to work with—within the industry and I am shocked the HFPA overlooked him.
Best Actress – Miniseries or Movie
Who will win: Claire Danes, Temple Grandin (HBO)
Who should win: Claire Danes, Temple Grandin (HBO)
But will it really mean anything to win this year when Jennifer Love Hewitt was nominated for a fucking Lifetime Movie of the Week? That should be an eligibility rule: “No Lifetime Movies of the Week shall be eligible. Ever.”
Who will win: Chris Colfer, Glee (Fox)
Who should win: David Strathairn, Temple Grandin (HBO)
The answer should always be “David Strathairn”. Because, obviously.
Best Supporting Actress
Who will win: Sofia Vergara, Modern Family (ABC)
Who should win: Hope Davis, The Special Relationship (HBO)
This is another weak category, though it isn’t totally awful. But why not Rashida Jones for Parks & Rec or Jane Krakowski for 30 Rock? Or Lizzy Caplan on Party Down? The HFPA knows they don’t HAVE to nominate the same three shows in every category…right?
Of course I don’t like their nominations. I never do. I never like the Academy’s either. Or, I never like all of them. With the Academy, there’s too much politicking, vendetta-ism, and make-up awarding going on, but with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the group responsible for doling out the Golden Globes, it’s a free for all of insane and happenstance logic. Click here to see the complete list of 2010 Golden Globe nominees.
Here’s what goes on with the Globes. The HFPA is a small group, less than a hundred, and they are accountable to no one. Members do not have stakes in studios or production companies; they aren’t actors and filmmakers responsible for making movies. They can’t vote for themselves and they aren’t invested in which films and TV shows get nominated/win because they didn’t produce any of the eligible work. They’re journalists (if “journalist” can be defined as, “person who watches movies and is amenable to accepting swag”). Technically, they’re outsiders. If the Academy Awards is the film industry patting itself on the back, the Golden Globes are (supposed to be) external validation.
In theory. In reality, the HFPA, because they aren’t beholden to any movie companies or owe loyalty to a certain project, often runs amok with favoritism and a spectacular and hilarious sense of self-importance. Take True Grit, the Coen Brothers remake of the Western classic starring Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and impressive newcomer Hailee Steinfeld. The Academy loves the Coens—I’ve been saying for a while that True Grit is going to rearrange the Oscar landscape when it opens in late December (indeed, press screenings are under way and it’s already affecting Oscar projections). But the HFPA hates the Coens. So True Grit gets no nominations.
As for those ranting this morning that the Golden Globes don’t mean anything—get over yourselves. Of course they mean something. I get that a lot of people—myself included—question who these people really are, but if the HFPA has done anything well it’s making the Golden Globes important. They’re second-most prestigious awards to be handed out in the film industry—in the US, anyway. I would argue that the BAFTAs in the UK and the Cesars in France are at least just as prestigious, but the Cesars aren’t even on TV in the US, so to the general public, yes, the Golden Globes are the second-most prestigious Hollywood award. And while the gulf between the Academy and HFPA has gotten wider in recent years, Golden Globe nominations will shake up the lines on Oscar wagering. Don’t kid yourselves. Vegas is adjusting right now.
In all, I view the Golden Globes like this—it’s farcical. The HFPA’s decision making is questionable at best, ridiculous at worst. But the show is pretty entertaining, as far as Hollywood award shows go. And the HFPA invited Ricky Gervais back to host in 2011, which is fun. Fun and farcical. That’s the Golden Globes. On to this year’s nominees and what the HFPA got right, and what they didn’t.
Dramatic movie nominations – I’m satisfied with the five Best Picture (Drama) nominees. And in the leading dramatic acting categories, I like four of the five nominees in both cases. I would drop Halle Berry from Best Actress (Drama) in favor of Tilda Swinton (I Am Love) or Lesley Manville (Another Year), and also boot Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter) for Robert Duvall (Get Low). Wahlberg wasn’t really getting a lot of traction for The Fighter—most the attention was going to his supporting costars Christian Bale and Melissa Leo. But, showing that the Globes do matter, now he’ll gain real ground in the Best Actor Oscar race.
In the Supporting Actor/Actress categories, again, I’m good with most of the nominees. Mila Kunis (Black Swan) and Michael Douglas (Wall Street 2) are expendable, and Amy Adams (The Fighter) is questionable, too. How about Mark Ruffalo (The Kids Are All Right), or Matt Damon (True Grit), and Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit) instead? Oh wait, the HFPA hates the Coens. Nevermind. Ridiculous. Seriously though, Ruffalo is a stronger candidate than Douglas and either Miranda Richardson (Made in Dagenham) or Barbara Hershey (Black Swan—if you’re nominating out of that movie, it should be her) are more intriguing than Kunis.
The rest of the film categories (writing, directing, foreign language, song, score) are as expected and unobjectionable. Where the HFPA really scores is with Best Animated Feature. The Academy’s rules state that they require sixteen animated films to be submitted for consideration in order to nominate five. This year they got fifteen, so they’re only nominating three. Lame. There are more than five solid animated features this year and the Academy’s technicality is screwing over some good movies (like Idiots and Angels, My Dog Tulip and The Illusionist—basically anything not Pixar/Dreamworks/Disney). The Academy continues to treat cartoons like second-class citizens despite some fine filmmaking, so props to the HFPA for recognizing five animated contenders.
The comedy category nominations are a joke. You can clearly see the HFPA’s preferences showing. Their giant man crush on Johnny Depp (nominated for Alice in Wonderland and The Tourist and deserving for neither), their desire to have Pitt Porn on their red carpet (Angelina Jolie gets a nod for The Tourist too, again, stunningly undeserved), their wish that Cher and Xtina show up for Burlesque and do something shocking during the live broadcast. It is good to see Emma Stone (Easy A, in which she does give a fine comedic performance) and Paul Giamatti (Barney’s Version, expect to see Giamatti get some Oscar traction now) get some attention, but The Kids Are All Right is not a comedy so I don’t know what it’s doing in this category. And Burlesque, while enjoyably bad, absolutely does not deserve to be nominated for anything outside of the song category (and even then, questionable). Ditto for The Tourist. This does make a valid point, though—2010 was a great year for dramas but a terrible year for comedies.
Television nominations are just as frustrating. I get nominating an actor and not his show (take Hugh Laurie’s Best Actor, Drama Series, nomination—it’s basically saying, “We like your performance but found the show overall to be meh”), but I don’t see how you nominate a show and then not anyone out of the cast. In the Best TV Series, Drama, category, each of the shows got a corresponding acting nomination, except The Walking Dead. Almost makes Dead’s nomination seem like an afterthought, something done to appease the rabble. And no Treme! Treme > Boardwalk Empire. As for TV comedies, it’s not so much that I mind who they nominated, it’s that THEY DIDN’T NOMINATE PARTY DOWN OR COMMUNITY FOR ANYTHING AND THEY WERE THE FUNNIEST SHOWS OF 2010. Not that I’m upset or anything.
While the Globes aren’t a good predictor for how the Academy votes, a Golden Globe nomination does draw the kind of attention that can shake up a competitive Oscar race (see: Wahlberg, Giamatti). It can also swing the other way and derail momentum in an Oscar campaign—The Town took a hit garnering only a Supporting Actor nomination for Jeremy Renner. The Golden Globes are ridiculous. There’s no getting around that. But they do matter. The 2010 award season has just gone pear-shaped.
So my predictions were pretty much wildly wrong. I got a few right, and in some cases my “should wins” came through. Check out my predictions and the winners. I think I had like a 17% accuracy rate, but I have no math skillz, so even that’s a guess. Moving on.
Yeah yeah yeah, Avatar won and blah blah. Who cares? These shows are (mostly) not about winners and losers but the clothes, the bitchfacing, the “who cut who”, and the gossipy smut going down off camera. We watch to see the loser’s face and make fun of ugly dresses. So let’s get to it, yeah?
Note to the gentlemen–this is how it’s done. A classic suit sharply tailored, hair combed, clean shaven. Unless you have actual facial hair, such as a full beard, shave. No scruff on the red carpet, unless you are so A-list we will forgive you anything (think Harrison Ford wearing sneakers every year since 1995). Bartha just plain looks good.
Pretty in pink goes to Blunt. It’s all working–the dress, the hair, the makeup, the accessories. She’s on trend with the embellished dress, too.
See, this is being so A-list we’ll forgive you anything. Leo goes for a classic three-piece tux, beautifully tailored, and has a little bit of blonde scruff on his jawline. But he’s Leo DiCaprio, so we forgive him the scruff.
My controversial choice. You might remember Graham from Gilmore Girls, or else you have no clue who she is. Hot pink is a hard color to work, but Graham has the perfect complexion to pull it off. Further, her black hair and bright blue eyes are thrown into sharp relief. Dramatic, feminine, pretty.
I’m actually down with this Atelier Versace gown. I like the nude color, the cut is flattering, and I can live with the sparkle. What I can’t live with, however, are the sea urchins attached to her shoulder and hip. Completely ruins the look.
Ugh. I do not like Jen Garner. She is so boring. This dress is boring. It’s what she always wears. She is always neutral or achromatic, as she is in this dress. And no, the sparkle does not make up for lack of color. It’s just bedazzled boring. And what is that hair? The hair is horrible.
Two words: shiny suit. Famous for being the losing end of Twilight’s love triangle, Lautner picks up the tween-viewer vote for sure. Despite his cuteness and bright smile, this shiny suit is so cheesy I can’t give him a pass.
What is all over his sleeve? Are those patches? Buttons? I have no idea, but it’s ugly and distracting. Why is McCartney dressed so poorly? His daughter is a successful fashion designer! No excuse for this at all.
Almost But Not Quite
I’m with Sandy’s dress from the waist up. Love the royal purple color, hair and makeup is gorgeous, and Sandy looks so beautiful for a woman in her forties. Do we think she’s having work done? I don’t think she is. However, from the waist down, this dress is assy. It’s poofy prom tulle styles, and it is lame. Of course, Sandy is landing on best-dressed lists already, because really, who doesn’t like Sandra Bullock?
This is my pick for editorial sartorial moment of the night. I chose this over Chloe Sevigny’s wing-dress-sculpture-thing. I think this is the best Gyllenhaal has looked in a while. She tends to not pick very pretty, or even flattering, dresses. This dress gives her great color, a very flattering silhouette, and some red carpet drama. I deduct points for being a little too esoteric, but then, this is Maggie Gyllenhaal, the thinking man’s sex symbol.
Kendrick has been doing pretty well on her red carpet tour this year so far, but this Marchesa is more miss than hit. The cut is good–Kendrick has a curvy little figure which is flattered here–the color is good, and her hair/makeup is lovely. But WTF is that thing on her shoulder? That is straight up southern fried grande dame. Ugly and old.
Mulligan almost made the best dressed. Love love LOVE the dress. She’s only 20, and the danger at that age is dressing too old, but this navy Nina Ricci is perfect for a young woman. Love the hair too–Mulligan’s pixie cut is set off by a 19th century diamond head band (Fred Leighton, I believe). I do not love the tit sag. Carey, I know you’re young and you think your bubbies are small, but you need a bra, honey. You could totally wear a strapless bar with this dress, and you should have. Your face says you’re twenty but the bubbies say you’re fifty.
Robert Downey, Jr. and Susan Downey
Sexy beast RDJ and his wife Susan, that lucky bitch, take home best couple of the night. They look great individually and together, and more, they look happy. This is just a happy, obnoxiously in love couple. Try and photo assume the relationship here and all you get is “happy”, “content”, “in love”, and other vomit-inducing adjectives. RDJ finally has it all going for him, and here he and his wife are, enjoying every moment of his untainted success. Here’s his acceptance speech for Best Actor – Comedy/Musical. “I don’t have anybody to thank. …They needed me!” Please.
Josh Duhamel and Fergie
He cheats with strippers, her face scares me. End of story. I don’t even need to get into her lilac prom queen look. He cheats with strippers, her face scares me.
Best of the Divas
This dark teal bias-cut gown is so perfect for Cotillard. Despite its low neckline and the peekaboo lace slip, it’s perfectly ladylike, yet the hem and color create drama. Does Marion Cotillard ever miss? Also, on a night when she wasn’t meant to shine, this gown takes nothing away from this year’s nominees.
Yay for Meryl! She almost never makes best-dressed lists. And why should she? She’s Meryl Streep! She doesn’t need to be a fashion icon. Here, though, she’s on-trend with an asymmetric neckline and the wide belt flatters her figure without being lumpy or bulgy. And the hair and makeup emphasize her very much underrated beauty. I found myself staring at Meryl’s profile throughout the night. She is a very, very beautiful woman.
Oh Kate. I love Kate. Her face screams “English” and her body “real woman”. She has one of those old Hollywood sex bomb bodies we all want. You know Jens Garner and Aniston were watching Kate enviously all night as she ate and drank and had fun. There is no fun in the Jens lives, because they don’t eat, and here is Kate with her hips eating and being beautiful. Also, like Marion Cotillard, Kate has dressed down, wearing nothing that would detract from the person she’s handing an award to.
Worst of the Divas
I know it’s Cher, and I should expect this sort of fuckery on the red carpet, but come on. She looks like a wax figure at Madame Tussaud’s. All those years of plastic surgery and denying the age are catching up to her. Ladies, this is why you don’t fuck with your face.
At least she brushed her hair. Usually Diaz is the one wearing a great dress and ruining by not combing her hair. Well this year she came styled, unfortunately, the dress is lame shits. There’s too much of it for this bright shade of red. Maybe if it were sleeveless? A lot of people will like this. I did not.
I love white on the red carpet. It’s so dramatic. Unfortunately, I don’t love it on Kate Hudson. At least, I don’t love this white on her. Kate Hudson is such a hippy free spirit and this bustier dress is so tight and angular–it’s all wrong for her. Now, Kate Hudson in a white Grecian gown, all soft and flowy? Perfection.
Best of the Sexy Beasts
Please. It’s Gorgeous George. The suit, the smile, it’s all working. The beard is mostly under control. And did you see him? Blowing off PR reps to continue signing for the fans that waited all day in the rain? That’s class. That’s a real movie star.
The Dude finally gets some recognition. And he gave a great speech! The whole night, only four speeches struck me as genuine: RDJ’s, Jeff Bridges’, Christoph Waltz’s, and the guy who won Best Foreign Film for The White Ribbon. Love the all-black ensemble, and Bridges, a man of much hair, has it all groomed and in place for the night, as it should be.
All the sexy beasts were working beards. Coincidence? No. Real men wear beards. Jon Hamm is like radiating the sex through television waves. And he brought all the smolder and sex to the Globes.
Just…ew. I know–he’s Mickey Rourke, what do you expect? I expect not to see cowboy hats on the red carpet. At least give me that. I’ll put with everything else, including the snakeskin lapels (revolting), if you just leave the cowboy hat at home. But no, it’s here. And did I see his Whiplash teeth? I know RDJ was sporting the Tony Stark goatee, and I do believe I spy Whiplash’s gold caps on Rourke. You know what that means? Iron Man 2 is in reshoots!
Best Red Carpet Body
This dress is amazing. An engineering marvel. It was designed by Project Runway winner Christian Siriano and it was one of the standouts of the night. Not only does it flatter Hendrick’s bust, but the champagne color is so striking with her pale skin and red hair. Even if it weren’t a feat of structural design, this dress would still be amazing. And that body! Oh my god. Have heard when Hendricks attends these things every man in the room looks every time she moves. Magazines will tell you men want stick insects. Their interest in Christina Hendricks says otherwise.
Another great body, in a considerably less great dress. I hate this dress. Hate the front slit, hate the shoes, hate the spangles. Hate everything except the silhouette. The figure is stunning. Paquin is a knockout with a killer body and this dress makes the most of her assets, all in a tasteful way. She’s out there, but I don’t worry about her being out there, if you catch my drift. Same cut in a different fabric and shoes, maybe put the slit on the side, and I love this look.
I wish Mariah Carey would stop pouring herself into too-tight dresses and showing me her tits. There’s more bronzer on the cans than her face. Scary. And that dress is so tight she can barely walk. She has to take tiny geisha steps in that dress. Sad thing is, if it just fit slightly better, and maybe the tits were under a bit more control, I would love this look. The dress itself is nice, it’s just four sizes too small.
I couldn’t find a picture of her, but Sally Hawkins, who won for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy/Musical last year, looked scary thin. Like, someone may need to call a doctor thin.
Looking Great at a Certain Age
I will give Aniston this. She wants so badly to be loved and to be known as more than the ex-Mrs. Pitt. Unfortunately, her movies are the shits and she refuses to take on another television show. I wish she would just accept her role as TV star. She was likeable in her 30 Rock appearance. So I will credit Aniston and her trainer for that ludicrous body. And I will credit Ricky Gervais for the greatest. intro. ever.
He said, “And now, Rachel from Friends.”
Is Halle aging? At all? I swear she looks exactly the same as she did ten years ago. She’s like the female Johnny Depp. And her body is sick. Her body in that dress is the sickest. She’s so beautiful, I think she might actually be an alien. And she isn’t aging. I’m twenty-seven and I have forehead lines. What will I look like at Halle’s age? FML
Could not find a photo of Foster from last night, which makes me sad because she looked beautiful. She really doesn’t seem the type for having work done, so I will assume it’s all those years of dedicated yoga practice. And the dress wasn’t half bad, but mainly I was stuck on her not-aging face.
Sue Sylvester working the glamour gown. Jane Lynch has a bit of a Lucille Ball thing going on. She’s so funny and she’s always making these faces, but when you get a second to really look, you realize she’s a stunning woman. She brought that stunning last night. The olive green set off her pale skin and fair hair perfectly, good makeup, everything was age-appropriate. One of my favorites of the night.
The Botox Brigade
Dear Courtney: Next time you’re getting Botox for an awards show, schedule the appointment a little bit earlier. Your face didn’t move at all last night and it was distracting. Hearts, Bad Kitty.
She actually looked less-injected than in recent months, but Nicole, my once epic lady crush, has been fucking with her face and it shows. She’s got a bit of that wax figure effect happening, too. It’s a shame, because she is truly one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, and she’s ruining it with the Botox.
Erm…WTF is wrong with Tarantino’s face? Did he get a chemical peel that morning? It’s so shiny and waxy. I almost can’t look away, but then I manage to and what do I see? Some sort of weird “hybrid tux”, as Tarantino called it–half Japanese-style suit, half classic tux. Wholly assy. But really, for serious, WTF is wrong with Tarantino’s face?
Biggest Douche of the Night
Paxton was nominated for Big Love in the Best Actor in a Television Series – Drama category. He was up against Michael C. Hall of Dexter. Hall recently announced he is recovering from a bout with cancer–Hodgkin’s lymphoma to be exact. When Hall won the Globe over Paxton, Paxton leaned over to his tablemates and said…something. It’s either the whiny, “I lost to Dexter,” or the appalling, “I lost to cancer”. You decide.