Angelina: Sister-Wife No. 6
The Brange graced us mere mortals with their presence on the Croisette at the Cannes Film Festival on Monday in support of Brad Pitt’s new movie, Tree of Life. If you pay any kind of attention to celebrity/gossip at all, you probably know that Angelina is Sister Wife No.6 in an alternate universe, and thanks to a tear in the space-time continuum (rent apart by her alien-beauty—she is one of a small group of intergalactic travelers stranded on earth, recognizable by their extreme otherworldly beauty), these two alternate realities sometimes “cross” and influence each other. Think of it as Style Sliding Doors. Lately, the Sister-Wife reality has been leaching into Angelina with a vengeance, but it appears that for Cannes Angelina was almost able to repair the damage done to the continuum and put the Sister-Wife back where she belongs. Almost. Because while the chocolate satin Versace gown is hardly the worst thing Angelina has ever worn (although it would be more appropriate at an award show and it seems too heavy/dark for the summer on the Riviera), that is total Sister-Wife hair. We really need to figure out how to sew the continuum back together for good so that we can save Angelina from the influence of the Sister-Wife doppelganger.
I do wonder, though, if Sister-Wife No. 6 goes around her alternate universe as the best-dressed sister-wife of all time.
Ryan Gosling will make his appearance on the Croisette this week in support of his upcoming film with Nicolas Winding Refn (Valhalla Rising), Drive. I’m making two bold statements: 1) The Gos is the best actor in the 25-35 age range, and 2) The Gos is going to have the career Jake Gyllenhaal wants so badly. In advance of Drive screening in competition at Cannes, new clips from the movie have been released, including the one below. With no dialogue and little by way of facial expressions, The Gos communicates exactly who this unnamed driver is—he has the same knack for communicating with just his eyebrows as Jesse Eisenberg.
I’m totally stoked for Drive. Action-y/heist-y/get-away-y movies don’t have to be dumb and it looks like The Gos and Refn are bringing something stripped down but slick to the car chase genre. They were going for a 1970’s, Steve McQueen vibe. Looks like they got it.
Snow White and the Huntsman
With the cast locked in (Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart, which we already knew, and Chris Hemsworth, Thor, and Sam Claflin, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of the Money Grab, recently added), Universal made a bold move on Monday, kicking their tentpole fractured fairytale from December 2012 to June 1, 2012. Since Universal started grinding on this project back in January, their attitude has been one of utter confidence. Have heard from people at the other Big Four studios that Universal is very balls-out, this-project-is-untouchable in their approach to handling SWATH. Indeed, Universal has committed $125 million to the budget and they just bought prime summer real estate for its release. They clearly feel like SWATH can stand up to the tough summer competition (the only movie no one wants a part of in Summer 2012 is The Dark Knight Rising—it will create a bit of a vacuum in the late-July slate).
The move raised some eyebrows, though, since it put SWATH a few weeks ahead of rival Snow White project The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, a Relativity project starring Julia Roberts, Lilly Collins (the upcoming Abduction) and Armie Hammer (The Social Network), and to be directed by Tarsem Singh. Now we’re in a game of chicken. I’m calling it: If Singh’s upcoming Clash of the Titans: The College Years Immortals is as bad as the trailer makes it look, Relativity flinches and pushes off their current late-June release date. Singh creates beautiful visuals but his movies are commercially risky and with Universal doing the business equivalent of banging your mom while home from school, Relativity has to be feeling the pressure. (Also, that project was supposed to start filming two weeks ago yet Collins, who’s in to play Snow, is instead doing pre-production stuff for The Mortal Instruments, so um…Relativity may have already flinched and just not made a press release about it.)
I don’t think Super 8 will have a top-five opening weekend this summer, but I do think it could end up as a top-five grosser. This movie will be BIG. This will probably be the “you have to see it” movie of the summer (aside from HP 7-2, which everyone is already seeing). Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights) and a bunch of kids (including Elle Fanning) star in writer/director JJ Abrams’ new What Is Attacking Us?! movie. Love the casting, love the look of the film, love the viral ad campaign, but I am nervous about Steven Spielberg (who is a producer) and Abrams. Spielberg has lost his touch (there is no other explanation for Indiana Jones: The Rape of My Childhood), and Abrams has no follow through (see also: Lost, Alias, Cloverfield). Cloverfield especially concerns me since that movie totally shit the bed in the last fifteen minutes, ruining an otherwise quality monster flick. Abrams promises that Super 8 isn’t Cloverfield 2.0, but I don’t know how much I actually trust him.
Tree of Life
Terrence Malick’s long awaited Tree of Life premiered at Cannes yesterday…to boos. Well, to some boos. Other people clapped. So some people hated it, and other people liked it. Yeah, that sounds about right. First, I am a Malick apologist. I don’t go around forcing everyone to watch his movies (though I did just recommend The New World to my friend R), but I do think that what Malick does is unique in American film and it’s the kind of thing that has lasting impact on cinema. Basically, he’s like a haute couture designer. You know how you see a dress during fashion week and it’s made entirely out of tin foil and you think, “No one will ever wear that”? But then the next year suddenly everything is metallic? And you remember that tin foil dress? Yeah, that’s Terrence Malick. He’s making tin foil dresses no one is ever going to wear but everyone will copy his style. Second, film festival crowds are the worst crowds with whom to see a movie. I’ve never been to Cannes, but based on other fests I’ve attended, this is true almost across the board. So people booing at a film festival is a given.
White suits at Cannes
Cannes fashion is like…I can’t even go there. For a breakdown of the insanity (most of it Marchesa-induced), check out the Fug Girls. But one trend I have noticed—beside Marchesa gowns that blow chunks—is men dressed in white. Great look for summer, guys. Especially if you can get it in seersucker. If you can pull of white seersucker with a pale-colored shirt, you will bag many women. It’s kryptonite for most of us. However, here are some caveats for wearing white if you’re a dude.
1) Tailoring tailoring tailoring. Jon Hamm, who usually carries off suits like he was born in them, bombed out with his white summer suit because it wasn’t tailored. What is that with the pants? What is happening there? That is unattractive. Also, Hamm’s suit appears not to be ironed. TRAGIC. In contrast, Brad Pitt’s white suit is both pressed and tailored. He looks great. That man is forty-seven years old. FORTY SEVEN. He doesn’t look a day over forty, even with the salt-and-pepper facial hair. That’s what good tailoring does for you. That, and alien DNA.
2) Styling is key. Pitt’s white suit is beautifully cut and tailored but he totally ruins it with the Hanes tee and Jersey Shore gold chains. Check out Pitt at Cannes in 2009 for Inglorious Basterds:
I wouldn’t recommend the ascot for non-alien-DNA-having humans, but the overall styling is SO MUCH BETTER. Like, no contest. In 2011, Pitt looks like he got halfway out the door in jorts and crocs before Angelina reminded him he needed to put on a suit. So guys, no gold chains please. Unless you’re actively trying to repel women, that is.
Still taking suggestions for the Netflix Instant Share challenge. You name a title available on Netflix Instant, I’ll watch and review it. Hit up the comments or Twitter with your ideas.