Are we going to pretend like I didn’t totally forget to do a preview for September and that this isn’t a week late? Yes we are!
October 5
Butter
It’s a political allegory centered on small-town politics and amateur butter carving starring Jennifer Garner, Ashley Greene (the Twilight franchise) and Olivia Wilde (professional box office curse). I don’t even know how this movie got made.
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Escape Fire: The Fight to Rescue American Healthcare
This documentary about the American healthcare system is being billed as a more investigatory, less manipulated account of the state of US healthcare than Michael Moore’s Sicko, and while it does look interesting and well done, without that kind of fire-brand rhetoric, it won’t reach nearly the same scope of audience as Sicko did. Which is too bad, because we really do need to have more informed, rational discussions about healthcare. This is already queued up in my Netflix.
I’ve been so lazy this summer. It’s horrible. My slightly-past-mid-year resolution is to be less lazy. Especially since award season and the inevitable deluge of films is rapidly approaching. August brings the last round of (potential) blockbusters for the summer movie season, but some smaller, prestige titles are also mixed in, trying to get an early jump on the bigger, flashier award bait to come over the next few months. But before we get there, we’ve got to get through summer’s swan song.
August 3
360
Brazilian director Fernando Meirelles has made a string of deep-thinking, provoking films over the last decade: City of God, The Constant Gardner and Blindness. 360 is an intersecting-plotline story that eventually coalesces into a compound narrative, not unlike a piece of music written in the round (it is inspired by La Ronde). Jude Law and Rachel Weisz are on the roster, and while it looks good, the August release date is a little bit of a handicap. Either it’s not quite as good as Meirelles’ previous films, or they think it’ll be too heavy to carry either way and are getting it out now, in order to meet an award-season DVD push.
Well…May was kind of a bust. The Avengers was good. I’m looking forward to Moonrise Kingdom inching its way closer and closer to my local arthouse. But everything else kind of made me want to kill myself. Here’s hoping June is better—it’s already stronger for GI Joe: Retaliation being kicked to 2013 (partly to allow for reshoots to undo the fact that Channing Tatum got killed in the first five minutes, and partly to convert to 3D, but mostly because it blows chunks and Paramount stands a better chance of not taking a box office bath in fiery acid in the softer month of March).
Worth noting that there are a lot of strong indies coming out this month. You might have to exert yourself a little, but there are good movies to be seen.
June 1
A Cat in Paris
Nominated for the Best Animated Feature award earlier this year, A Cat in Paris is charming if you’re a fan of traditional animation but is a bit flat if you’re just looking for a good movie. It’s very stylish and lovely but the story—a cat who lives with a little girl whose father was murdered and at night is the accomplice of a cat burglar and gets entangled with the gangsters who killed his little girl’s dad—is too twee for adults and too heavy for kids. I’d recommend it for animation buffs but not for anyone else.
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Apartment 143
You know what movie I hated so much I wanted to set myself on fire while watching it? Buried. I’d have done anything to stop seeing that movie while I was watching it (yeah…that sounds right). Buried took one of the biggest bed-shits I’ve ever seen a movie take. Just a dinosaur’s shit’s worth of poo on that bed. What a fucking awful movie.
Apartment 143 was written by Rodrigo Cortes, who directed Buried. Guilty by association.
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Battlefield America
Based on this title, I imagine Battlefield America to be a either a documentary about something political, or an alien-invasion flick. But no, Battlefield America is about a team of breakdancing children on an underground dance competition circuit, brought to you by the folks behind You Got Served.
It’s no Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. (Which, SHUT UP, that movie is AWESOME.)
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For Greater Glory
In the 1920’s a war was fought in Mexico, called the Cristeros War, prompted by the government’s attempt to secularize the country. This movie is about that war, and it stars up-and-comer Oscar Isaac (Drive), Peter O’Toole, Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace)…and Eva Longoria. One of these things is not like the others.
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High School
A stoner comedy starring one of the most truly random casts I’ve seen in a while. Colin Hanks, Mykelti Williamson, Adrien Brody? You know you’ve fucked your career up when you go from Oscar to high school stoner comedy.
I actually think this looks pretty funny. Not in a run-right-out-and-see-it way, but in a late-night-Netflix kind of way. It’s about a smart kid who gets baked and then gets a school drug test sprung on him and conspires to get his whole school high so no one will notice he failed his drug test, thus not jeopardizing his entire future.
Is it a downside or upside to legalizing pot that movies like this wouldn’t get made?
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The Loved Ones
This Australian horror flick about a prom gone wrong has had horror geeks jizzing in their pants since 2009, and it’s finally getting released stateside, albeit in a limited fashion and, I understand, after undergoing some inauspicious edits. The horror community talks about this like it’s a must-see, so if you’re into that sort of thing, I guess I’d recommend finding it, but go for the original Aussie version, not whatever edited bullshit they’re showing at the cineplex.
Why do people keep cutting down stuff for America? WE’RE NOT THAT PRUDISH.
For what it was—intentionally made B-grade horror/comedy—Piranha 3D was pretty solid. Mostly, it benefitted from Adam Scott (Parks & Rec). I’m willing get down with Piranha 3DD, but not at the going rate of a 3D movie at my local cinema ($16). This is a Netflix for sure, but again, horror fans, this one’s for you.
Snow White and the Huntsman
You have to give Universal credit that, for their centenary, they’ve really taken on a “go big or go home” attitude toward their slate. Paramount is also celebrating 100 years in business and their roster isn’t nearly as ambitious as Universal’s. In fact, they’ve already kicked two of their highest-profile titles for 2012 to 2013 (GI: Joe 2 because apparently it needed more C Tates and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters because…let’s face it, it probably sucks big time). But Universal is slinging spaghetti at that wall like it’s going out of style and they’re not backing down on any of it, not even the bed-wetting Battleship.
Snow White and the Huntsman is one of their most ambitious titles this year, featuring a big-name cast with Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth, coming off a massive win with The Avengers. It’s a retelling of the classic fairytale, set not in a Disney forest but a much more dark and grim Medieval landscape. Reviews are mixed and I think your enjoyment of this film will rest entirely on your tolerance for fantasy, Kristen Stewart, and hammy villains.
June 6
The Do-Deca-Pentathlon
Filmmaking brothers of the Duplass variety follow up last year’s charming, under-appreciated Jeff, Who Lives at Home with the Do-Dec (that’s what the cool kids are calling it I’m just too lazy to type all that out), the story of brothers competing in their own 25 event Olympics. The Duplass Brothers make interesting movies that are often as flawed as they are humane, and I’m a huge fan, so I will be seeking this one out. They’re funny but in that funny-weird way, not so much funny-haha. If fairytale monsters and stuff blowing up aren’t your thing, this is an arthouse release that may well be worth finding.
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June 8
Bel Ami
Robert Pattinson stars in this adaptation of Guy de Maupassant’s novel about the rise of Georges Duroy, an impoverished ex-soldier, in Belle Epoque Paris. From the get this was a tough undertaking, as Duroy is one of literature’s most unapologetic reprobates, and the current climate is less than favorable toward stories about assholes getting away with their assholery. It made for a rough editing period, trying to “fix” an ending that rewards a massive jerk for being a massive jerk while staying true to the source material. Reviews haven’t been awesome, but there’s enough star power in the cast—Pattinson is joined by Uma Thurman, Kristin Scott Thomas and Christina Ricci—to make it worthwhile to fans.
Limited/On Demand
Dark Horse
Writer/director Todd Solondz has his fans but I am not one of them. His movies are like…voluntarily letting someone stick used Q-Tips in your eyes. There’s Welcome to the Dollhouse, and then ever since then, it’s like those Q-Tips just get closer and closer until they’re being jabbed into your eyeball by the time you get to Palindromes. Despite the presence of Selma Blair, this is one is a pass.
LA/NYC
Lola Versus
Indie darling Greta Gerwig (Damsels in Distress, Greenberg) stars in a hipster romantic comedy, which means it begins where most rom-coms end—with a wedding. Lola is dumped just three weeks before her wedding, and then she has a series of episodes while coming to terms with being single on the eve of thirty.
…Shit. I’m single on the eve of thirty. So this is like…my movie?
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Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
The only thing I can think of whenever I see a commercial for this movie is Chris Rock talking about recording a voice over part with such disdain at the Oscars.
Prometheus
I’m not much of a sci-fi fan, so this movie is a little outside my wheelhouse, but the cast is loaded with people I like—Guy Pearce, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Noomi Rapace—so that’s a plus. I’m not as sold on this being the transformative film experience that Alien was, but, eh. I’m alone in that, I know (although some of the early reviews sound like the critics are forcing themselves to like it a little more than they actually do because everyone got caught up in the hype machine). So yeah, yell at me for not “getting it” or whatever but I don’t have extraordinary hopes for this movie. Although the viral videos have been awesome.
Safety Not Guaranteed
Do you remember that classified ad that went around years ago, about the guy looking for a companion for time travel? This movie is based on that, and stars Aubrey Plaza (Parks & Rec, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), Jake Johnson (New Girl) and Mark Duplass (one half of the Duplass Brothers). It’s got strong reviews coming out of Sundance and SXSW, and is another of my must-finds at the arthouse this summer.
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June 15
Rock of Ages
WHAT THE FUCK
is wrong with Tom Cruise’s torso?
That’s My Boy
Adam Sandler took a huge dump and it came out as That’s My Boy. He’s currently back in the bathroom, shitting out Grown Ups 2. There is no empirical way to measure how much contempt Adam Sandler has for us all, but he keeps making these soul-destroyingly bad movies, so it must be an awful lot.
The Woman in the Fifth
Ethan Hawke and Kristin Scott Thomas star in this movie about an American writer (Hawke) who flees a stateside scandal for Paris and falls in with a mysterious widow (Scott Thomas) who might be involved in some murders. Fifth was well-received at TIFF last year, and Hawke tends to be at his best in these moody, atmospheric dramas. It sounds kind of interesting but not particularly urgent.
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Your Sister’s Sister
Mark Duplass’s second acting effort this summer is in writer/director Lynn Shelton’s (Humpday) film about a guy who sleeps with his friend’s sister after his brother died and ends up having one of those only-in-the-movies-is-everyone-this-honest-after-merely-a-day-of-knowing-one-another revelatory periods. This was well-received at Sundance and co-stars Emily Blunt and Rosemarie DeWitt (Rachel Getting Married).
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June 22
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
I LOVED this book and I want to like the movie so bad, but the trailers have not been encouraging. Something about it just seems…too heavy? Like maybe this should have played a little more tongue in cheek? I’m not quite sure what’s setting me off, but something about it is hitting a sour note. Fingers crossed that it’s just a shitty trailer and the movie will be awesome. Because the book is super good, and super fun to read. Maybe that’s it? Maybe this doesn’t feel fun enough.
Brave
Pixar rebounds after the soulless Cars 2 with their first stab at a princess movie. Merida is a tomboy Scottish princess during the Dark Ages who would really rather not be auctioned off as a bride. She’s spunky and smart and gets shit done, but there’s a plot point that’s bugging me and the more I think about it, the more it kind of wrecks the movie for me. Still, this is the heartfelt Pixar fare we’ve come to take for granted, and the animation is stellar. Merida’s hair is a work of ART.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
I cannot wait to see this. Counter-programming for the adults in the room, Seeking stars Steve Carell and Keira Knightley as people trying to make the most of the last 3 weeks on Earth before a meteor hits and ends the world. Basically, Melancholia without the wedding and the boring existential bullshit.
To Rome, With Love
Coming off his biggest commercial hit ever, Midnight in Paris, which also garnered Woody Allen an Oscar, Allen continues his trek across Europe, this time dropping his neuroses-by-proxy in Italy. Europe has proved to be fertile ground for Allen, as Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Midnight are two of his most tolerable films and easily the best he’s made since 1981. If you’re an Allen fan, you’ll probably love this, but if, like me, he does nothing for you, this is sure to be more of the same.
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June 27
Beasts of the Southern Wild
This was the big standout at Sundance and is just coming off a strong showing at Cannes. Beasts is looking like an early but inevitable Oscar nomination, as recent years have seen one of these summer indies make it all the way to the Dolby Theater, or whatever the fuck they’re calling the Kodak now. I’m actually really into seeing this. It’s about a little girl in the Louisiana bayous during the apocalypse, or just after it, or something. Magical realism!
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June 29
Madea’s Witness Protection
How is this not incredibly offensive? I’ll allow that the first Madea movie is not without redeeming qualities, but at this point, Tyler Perry is making a cartoon of a cartoon and I don’t get why he’s still allowed to do this. He’s like Eddie Murphy, but he skipped the part where he makes good movies like Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America. It’s just all Pluto Nash, all the time.
Magic Mike
Steven Soderbergh reteams with his Haywire star, Channing Tatum, to make the ultimate beefcake movie, based on C Tates’ stripper past. It’s easy to make a sausage fest joke here, but the reality is that early word after industry screenings is that Magic Mike is actually pretty good. There’s also been some buzz about Matthew McConaughey’s work as a stripper turned club owner (a part he was born to play, as it does not require shirts), which has kicked off my McConaughey Oscar 2013 campaign. Of course I want to see this as it’s a bunch of smoking hot dudes taking their clothes off, but I’m also into McConaughey rediscovering his talent and returning to proper acting. It’ll be interesting to see how this one shakes out.
People Like Us
Chris Pine is another one of those “on paper, I should be totally into this but in reality, I’m not feeling it” guys. However, I do like him as an actor. I don’t think he’s great or anything, but he gets the job done and was quite enjoyable as Kirk in the Star Trek reboot. People Like Us, however, is all about Pine trying to convince me he’s a proper actor who should like, be up for awards and stuff. (Haha, no.) Co-starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Elizabeth Banks, it’s about a guy whose dead father leaves him a bunch of cash to give to his unacknowledged, illegitimate half-sister, who has a precocious kid. These types of movies always have precocious kids.
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Take This Waltz
Actress Sarah Polley has turned into a formidable writer/director, proving that Away From Her was not a fluke with her sophomore feature effort, Take This Waltz, being every bit as painfully emotionally naked and sensitively drawn as Away From Her. For my money, Polley is the most worthwhile filmmaker Canada has produced since Atom Egoyan, and while Egoyan is a formidable artist, I enjoy watching Polley’s movies more (even if they do make me cry). Take This Waltz HURTS. If you’ve been through an affair, it’s probably extra-special painful. But it’s a damn good movie and the performances of Michelle Williams, Luke Kirby and Seth Rogen ought to at least be part of the conversation come award season. Everyone’s making a big deal out of Lena Dunham, but I think Polley is the most intriguing young female voice in cinema right now.
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Ted
I liked Mark Wahlberg in The Other Guys. For a guy that can get his back up in real life over the silliest “insults”, he’s pretty game to look stupid in front of a camera. And I’m down with the concept of Ted, from Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, of a little boy who wishes his teddy bear real, and then grows up with his living teddy bear as his best friend. I just…it sounds so much like Wilfred. Already I’m thinking “derivative”, which might not be fair because McFarlane could have had this idea ages ago, but I was aware of Wilfred first, so there you go. The trailer is ok. Wahlberg’s character makes Ted the Bear move out when he gets serious with his girlfriend, hijinks ensue, and I’m sure we all learn about friendship along the way. The gimmick of the bear being “real” seems to be the basis of most of the humor and, well, I’m not sure that will sustain a full-length film. Like, I don’t think I’d want to see a Wilfred movie, either. So we’ll see. I want to like it—I haven’t seen a good comedy since 21 Jump Street, but I’m skeptical.
It’s here! It’s here! Summer movie season is here at last! And 2012 is shaping up to be a killer summer at the movies. We’ve got two potential billion-dollar superheroes, a handful of promising comedies, princesses on the warpath and cartoons about dead people. It’s gonna be a good summer.
May 4
A Little Bit of Heaven
Kate Hudson stars in this romantic comedy about a woman with terminal cancer.
Yes, really.
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The Avengers
Joss Whedon manages the egos and interests of six superheroes and a supervillain to awesome, face-rocking results. Full review here.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Or, old British people fall in love in India.
No seriously, this has been earning decent reviews all year and stars a hit parade of formidable British talents such as Bill Nighy, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith and Tom Wilkinson. It’s about a group of retirees who decide to head to cheaper India to while out their retirement at the newly-restored Marigold Hotel. Except the place isn’t quite as advertised, and as they deal with less than romantic reality of living in India, they discover new things about themselves and each other.
I’m trying really hard not to sound sarcastic about this cutesy plot and it’s not working, is it?
LOL
Miley Cyrus’s ill-fated “comedy” was destined for the straight-to-DVD bargain bin except that foreign sales were predicated on a US release, so Lionsgate is giving LOL a very basic, extremely limited theatrical run with no press to meet that requirement. Which means the movie blows chunks.
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May 11
Dark Shadows
Seems like most people are well and truly over Johnny Depp and his eccentric roles, but Depp apparently isn’t. He reteams with Tim Burton to bring a campy nighttime soap opera about a vampire, his lost love, and the jealous witch that cursed him to the big screen. And while everyone also seems done with Burton/Depp and their fruity movies, the trailer looks like a throwback to Beetlejuice and I’m kind of digging it. It’ll be interesting to see how audiences respond to this, if the masses really are burned out on Burton/Depp or if that’s just internet complaining.
Girl in Progress
Just in time for Mother’s Day, Eva Mendes stars as a self-absorbed single mom who neglects her kid in favor of having an affair. The kid then embarks on some hare-brained scheme. Chaos ensues, lessons are learned, and everyone hugs.
Goddamn it, I wasn’t going for sarcasm there either. It’s just that all these movies sound so bad.
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Hick
Blake Lively and Chloe Grace Moretz (Hugo, Kick-Ass) star in this adaptation of Andrea Portes’ critical darling of novel. The story follows runaway Luli (Moretz) as she hitchhikes across the country and encounters seedy characters like Eddie (Eddie Redmayne, My Week with Marilyn) and coke-addled Glenda (Lively). I heard okay things about this after TIFF last fall, but there is some godawfully stupid dialogue in the trailer, so I’m not sure I trust the people telling me no really, it’s actually good.
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May 16
The Dictator
I’m a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen and his immersion-style comedy, but his movies have been a mixed bag so far. I adored Borat but Bruno only worked in bits and pieces. The Dictator is not as free-form as Borat and Bruno, and while I think the trailer looks funny, I wonder if the overall conceit—Middle Eastern dictator gets “lost in New York” while on a trip to the UN—isn’t too much like Borat. Some footage screened at Cinemacon last month, though, and was well received. I feel like there will be no middle ground with this one—it will either be really funny or completely fall flat.
May 18
Battleship
By the time Battleship opens stateside, it will have already earned around two hundred million dollars. It’s big and dumb and loud, but the SFX are pretty stunning and the action, once it gets going, never really stops. This is Universal trying to horn in on the box office bonanza Paramount has been enjoying over the last five years with Hasbro and Transformers, and Battleship does indeed have a lot in common with the other franchise (see also: big, dumb, loud). Peter Berg recycles several members of his beloved Friday Night Lights, including star Taylor Kitsch, but for some reason foists both non-actresses Rihanna AND Brooklyn Decker on us. This is a stupid movie—it’s based on a board game, after all—but it’ll make a bunch of money anyway. Although I’m not sure it will be able to top The Avengers, which could very well have a three-week stranglehold on the box office by this point.
Hysteria
Hysteria is based on the true story of how vibrators were invented to spare doctors from painful hand cramping because back in the Victorian era, “female hysteria” was cured by a doctor getting off his patient. Starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hugh Dancy (Martha Marcy May Marlene), reviews have been mixed. The central complaint is that it’s obviously going for edgy, dark, social-commentary comedy but never quite gets down and dirty enough to deliver. To me the central problem is that Maggie G sticks out like a sore thumb in a period piece. That is not an old-fashioned face.
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What to Expect When You’re Expecting
This is a movie based on a very popular book about what it’s like to be pregnant. The ensemble cast includes Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Anna Kendrick, Chris Rock, Dennis Quaid and Megan Mullaly. The Cult of Mommyhood will ensure this is a success. Me and my kid-hating, arctic tundra of a womb will be giving it a pass.
May 25
Chernobyl Diaries
It’s basically Paranormal Activity but at the site of a nuclear meltdown. So instead of ghosts, it’s nuclear mutants. Or something. Looks stupid. I’m over the “found footage” horror fad. If you’re craving horror but looking for quality, seek out Cabin in the Woods or Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (which is on Netflix Instant, I think).
The Intouchables
The Weinstein Company imports this French comedy/drama about an aristocrat who is paralyzed after a sporting accident and hires a criminal-type as his caretaker. It features French stars Francois Cluzet (Monster in Paris) and Omar Sy (Micmacs).
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Men in Black III
Ten years after Men in Black II, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are back as alien-wrangling Agents J and K. It’s a time travel plot so Josh Brolin is in to play the younger version of K and his impression of Jones is eerily accurate. This movie looks like a mess and sounds really dumb, but I don’t want to bet against Will Smith. So it’ll make a bunch of money, even if it does suck.
Moonrise Kingdom
Wes Anderson made three movies (Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums) that launched him to indie-god status (they were good, better, best). Then he made The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, which isn’t as bad as people say but is still pretty meh. And then came The Darjeeling Limited which is yikes (I blame Adrien Brody, who was already on his douche-spiral when they made the film). After taking a couple years to regroup, amusing himself with stop-motion animation in the interim, Anderson came back with the stellar The Fantastic Mr. Fox. And now, five years after Darjeeling, he’s returned to live-action films with Moonrise Kingdom. It’s got a big ensemble cast featuring Bruce Willis, Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Jason Schwartzman and Edward Norton, and a twee plot that sounds very Wes Anderson (young lovers in a 1960’s New England island town run away and the town sets out to find them). It looks like Anderson is back on form and as a huge fan of four of his films, I’m really looking forward to this one.
With only one month to go before the uber-competitive summer season starts, April is bit softer as the studios wind down from March and gear up for May. There are a handful of releases that could hit in a big way but mostly, it’s middle of the road fare all the way, nothing super ambitious going on. Except for The Pirates! Band of Misfits because stop-motion animation is always ambitious.
April 6
American Reunion
In 1999 American Pie launched its young cast of mostly-unknowns to stardom. Thirteen years later, almost all of them are in need of a totally unnecessary and unwanted sequel in hopes of boosting their flagging careers. (I say “almost” because Alyson Hannigan has had a pretty nice career in television over the last decade.) I thought the first American Pie was funny when I was seventeen, but by the time the third movie in the franchise, American Wedding, came out in 2003, I was over it. And I have zero interest in this money-grabbing four-quel. If you’re looking for funny this weekend, see 21 Jump Street, if you haven’t already. And if you have, check out Goon, which stars Seann “Stifler” William Scott and is getting decent reviews.
ATM
This is one of those “people trapped in a confined space, waiting to die” horror movies. I’m not really into those, because the gimmick of the space usually overtakes actual storytelling (see also: Buried, Open Water). It’s about three people who get trapped by a murderous person in a little ATM lobby. Reviews have not been overwhelming.
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Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope
Documentarian Morgan Spurlock (Supersize Me) is back with his look at the annual nerd-stravaganza: Comic-Con. A Fan’s Hope has gotten good reviews thus far, with most people appreciating Spurlock’s change in perspective as he spends most of his time behind the camera, instead of inserting himself into the narrative as a participant, his usual MO. Comic-Con makes for some pretty wild people watching, so this should be a fascinating look at nerd culture at its zenith.
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Damsels in Distress
Much-admired writer/director Whit Stillman hasn’t made a movie since 1998’s The Last Days of Disco. He returns now with Damsels in Distress, a story about a group of girls at college determined to save everyone from themselves. I’ve heard mixed things about this movie. Reviews have been generally positive, but talking to people who’ve seen it, no one seems to enjoy watching it. I wonder if the reviews owe more to general affection and nostalgia for Stillman, who has made several excellent films in the past (Barcelona and Metropolitan, as well as the superb Disco), than whatever is actually going on with Damsels. Starring indie doll Greta Gerwig (Greenberg), Megalyn Echikunwoke (House of Lies), newcomer Carrie MacLemore and Analeigh Tipton (Crazy Stupid Love).
LA/NYC
Detention
It is inevitable that after a young actor gets some attention in a big movie, their next movie is some crap horror flick that has probably been sitting on the shelf, waiting for someone in the cast to get famous enough to justify the expense of releasing it. Detention is that movie for Josh Hutcherson. Fresh off The Hunger Games, here is a crap horror flick about kids stuck in detention trying to escape a killer called Cinderhella. CINDERHELLA. Dane Cook is in this movie, too, which guarantees it will suck. His movie career has been less than stellar.
The Hunter
Willem Defoe stars as Martin, a professional hunter who is hired to hunt the last Tasmanian tiger. In reality, the Tasmanian tiger is extinct, but the premise of the film is that there is one left in the wild and a biotech company wants it (presumably for cloning and/or to mount death-lasers on its head), and so Martin is sent to capture it. As he tracks the tiger through backwoods Tasmania (my Australian ex used to joke about Tasmania like Americans do Alabama—is this accurate, Aussies, or was he being a dick?), Martin meets a cast of predictably backwards people. Again, the reviews have been pretty strong for The Hunter, but no one I’ve talked to likes it. It sounds like Defoe gives a great performance in an otherwise weak movie, and I wonder if it’s a case of praise for Defoe is covering up complaints about everything else.
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Titanic 3D
The moment I knew I wanted to do something to do with movies as my livelihood: Age 14, sitting in the theater watching every person I’d ever met lose their shit over Titanic while I sat there, going, “But this movie is TERRIBLE!” and realizing that I was going to have to do something about the situation if such a hackneyed, derivative movie could not only get made, but be such a massive hit. I did not like Titanic in 1997 and I haven’t liked it any time I’ve been subjected to it since then. If you feel like hearing my list o’reasons it’s one of the most overrated movies in history, let me know. Otherwise, just know that every time someone says “I like Titanic” I hear “I’m a sucker, please sell me a bridge”.
We Have a Pope
Italian filmmaker Nanni Moretti (The Son’s Room, The Caiman) is very popular on the international scene. His latest is We Have a Pope, which follows Cardinal Melville (Michel Piccoli, Restless), the newly-elected pope who, incapacitated by fear, is unable to take office. So the Vatican appoints a therapist (Moretti) to try and help coax the pope out so he can officially be announced. Reviews have been mixed, but I find Moretti’s films are usually worth checking out. His perspective is never expected and his movies almost always feel quite fresh and interesting. Also, Piccoli is one of France’s greatest actors, so there’s that.
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April 13
The Cabin in the Woods
It’s the merger of two very dedicated fan bases—horror nerds and Joss Whedon fanboys. They’ve been waiting ages for the Whedon produced and written Cabin in the Woods. I know nothing about this movie, as anyone who has been exposed to it repeatedly emphasizes that you shouldn’t even watch the trailer for fear of having whatever the twist is spoiled. I’ve posted the trailer below—whether you watch it or not is between you and your tolerance for spoilers.
Here
This bounced around festivals last year and is now getting a limited release. Starring Ben Foster (The Messenger), Here is about a cartographer who falls in love with a photographer while doing a new survey of Armenia. It looks pretty sad and depressing, but even when the movies aren’t that great, Foster is always worth watching.
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The Lady
Director Luc Besson made a big impression with The Professional in 1994, but ever since then, he’s made a string of bad action movies and has run down his reputation in the process (although I do enjoy The Fifth Element as a trainwreck). He takes a stab at redemption with The Lady, which got decent reviews on last year’s festival circuit, and won star Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) generous praise for her portrayal of Burmese democracy advocate Aung San Suu Kyi. As a fan of Yeoh, I’ll see this eventually, but I’m not going to lie. I find Besson, as a director, to be pretty off-putting and I’m not really into his films.
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Lockout
I had the BIGGEST crush on Guy Pearce when Memento came in 2000. I’m so glad he’s back and healthy and we can enjoy him once again. This movie looks terrible—it’s about a prison in space that is overtaken by the inmates threatening to crash it on earth—and I’m sure it will be eye-roll inducing. But it’s Guy Pearce. I love him! I totally want to see this and I hope it sucks in the good way (you know, the fun, bad-action-movie-is-good way), and not in the bad way (the bad-action-movie-makes-me-want-to-set-the-theater-on-fire way).
The Three Stooges
I’ve never been a fan of the Three Stooges, so please feel free to explain to me why this movie is so offensive to people who are. Sure, it looks extremely silly and is second-hand embarrassing, but the Three Stooges were extremely silly and second-hand embarrassing. Obviously, I’m missing something because I don’t get why Stooges fans are so up in arms about this. I mean, it looks terrible, but the Three Stooges are kind of terrible, so… The expectations are so low and early word is so bad that the general consensus in the industry is that this movie, which is not a biopic but is meant to be a recreation of the Three Stooges style of comedy, will kill the actual Stooges biopic project by association. And that is a shame because the Stooges biopic is quite dark and interesting and could maybe, finally, explain to me what I am just not getting about the Three Stooges.
Darling Companion
Lawrence Kasdan is a good filmmaker with a pretty bizarre resume, from The Big Chill to Wyatt Earp to French Kiss. This is his first film since 2003’s Dreamcatcher and it looks halfway decent at least. Diane Keaton stars as Beth, an empty-nester struggling with a disinterested husband (Kevin Kline). Beth rescues a dog and it becomes her constant companion, until her husband loses it after their daughter’s wedding. Beth enlists wedding guests to help find the dog, hijinks ensue. It doesn’t look groundbreaking, but it’s got a good cast and an identifiable premise—loneliness, companionship, rediscovery of love. That should be enough for a steady expansion that will see Darling Companion carry into summer as counter-programming to the popcorn fare. Also starring Mark Duplass, Elisabeth Moss, Dianne Wiest, Sam Shepard and Richard Jenkins.
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The Lucky One
Zac Efron + Nicholas Sparks + inevitable Sparksian ending where someone dies in a maudlin fashion = zero interest on my part.
Marley
A documentary about Bob Marley from the director of The Last King of Scotland. Pretty straightforward, should be worth it to Marley fans.
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The Moth Diaries
Sarah Bolger (The Tudors), Sarah Gadon (A Dangerous Method) and model Lily Cole star in this horror movie about catty girls at boarding school. Scott Speedman is their teacher—I assume at least one of them has sex with him at some point. This does not look good. I’d recommend renting Cracks instead.
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Think Like a Man
Based on Steve Harvey’s relationship book and starring Taraji Henson, Romany Malco (The 40 Year Old Virgin), Chris Brown—wait. Chris Brown? Pass.
To the Arctic 3D
Meryl Streep narrates this documentary that follows a mother polar bear and her two cubs through the Arctic. It’s Warner Brothers’ answer to Disney’s annual Earth Day nature-doc, and I’m sure it will pull plenty of heartstrings. Assuming you have heartstrings to be pulled and not, you know, scorpion tails and thistles like me.
April 27
Bernie
Writer/director Richard Linklater defined Generation X on film in the 1990’s with movies like Slacker, Dazed & Confused and Before Sunrise (I know Dazed was set in the 1970’s but the parallels are there), and then he made The School of Rock with Jack Black and lost my unconditional love forever, though A Scanner Darkly did kind of put him back in my good graces. Bernie looks to be another step in the right direction for Linklater, even if he is re-teaming with Black. Given the right material, Black can be an effective actor, and Bernie might be the right balance of black comedy and outright weirdness to tap into Black’s inner actor. Based on an actual murder in 1990’s Texas, Bernie is about a mortician (Black) who becomes friends with the least popular person in town, the bitter widow Marjorie. Eventually Bernie kills Marjorie but she was so unpopular in town that the prosecuting attorney (Matthew McConaughey) finds it difficult to charge Bernie. As far as creepy crime movies with weird murders go, this is more intriguing than The Raven.
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The Five Year Engagement
Jason Segel and his creative partner, Nicholas Stoller (The Muppets, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) re-team for The Five Year Engagement, another of their skewed-perspective rom-coms. I’ve been a big fan of the Segel/Stoller movies to this point, so I’m hopeful that Engagement keeps the tradition alive. Segel is joined on screen by Emily Blunt and they play a couple that, for various reasons, ends up with a long engagement. I like the idea of a rom-com dealing with what happens when the perfect couple of the love story suffers a disaster-strewn ever after, but something about Engagement has not been landing with me. The trailer doesn’t look especially funny and the chemistry between Segel and Blunt seems a little flat. It almost feels like Stoller and Segel had to make this movie to fulfill a contract requirement. I hope I’m wrong, though. I hope it’s funny and worthy of the pedigree that brought us The Muppets and Sarah Marshall.
Girl in Progress
This movie stars Eva Mendes, who is Bitch-Enemy #1 right now thanks to her ongoing relationship with Ryan Gosling. So I imagine if you do go see it, it will be to make fun of Eva and tell each other how fat she looks and how their relationship must be fake because The Gos would never like a bitch like her. Because otherwise, this movie doesn’t look any good and I can’t imagine why you’d be seeing it.
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Headhunters
Norway has been turning out some very intriguing and visually interesting films lately, and Headhunters is another entry in the “what is going on in Norway because they’re making some sweet ass films all of a sudden” category. It’s a crime thriller about an art thief attempting to acquire a painting from an ex-mercenary. It was a surprise hit at several North American festivals last year, including blow out reviews from TIFF. I am definitely making time for this one.
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The Pirates! Band of Misfits
I CAN’T WAIT THIS WILL BE THE BEST MOVIE EVER.
Seriously, though, I adore the book series by English author Gideon Defoe. They’re short, charming and funny—it’s a bit like reading Monty Python—and an Aardman Animations stop-motion cartoon is a perfect match to the silly, campy tone of the books. And the vocal work is stellar—Hugh Grant is virtually undetectable as the Pirate Captain and Salma Hayek, Imelda Staunton, Martin Freeman (Sherlock, The Office), Brendan Gleeson (The Guard, Harry Potter) and David Tennant (Dr. Who) all do excellent work. I’ve gotten a glimpse and as both a huge fan of the books and an exacting film-goer, I am really enthusiastic about this movie’s potential.
The Raven
I should be into this movie. I love Edgar Allen Poe, and I like creepy movies about murder. The Raven stars John Cusack as Poe in his final days, in an alternate-reality in which a serial murderer is recreating all Poe’s fictional murders in real life, and Poe teams up with a Baltimore detective (Luke Evans, Immortals) to solve the crimes. The trailer is moody and dark and a little weird and basically has a ribbon and a tag that says, “Sarah, this movie is just for you.” And yet, I am unmoved. I don’t know if it’s Cusack, who looks a bit zombified here, or if it’s the lack of cleverness, but I’m not really feeling The Raven.
Safe
I liked The Transporter, and I enjoyed Jason Statham in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, as well as The Italian Job (whatever, that’s a guilty pleasure movie for me), but the other side of Statham are these incredibly stupid Transporter knock-offs like Crank and Safe. He’s got to protect some girl and get her to some place and he’ll kill a bunch of people in increasingly not-possible ways throughout the film. That’s all there is, really.
Sound of My Voice
Co-written by and starring indie darling Brit Marling (Another Earth), Sound of My Voice is about a journalist (Christopher Denham, Shutter Island) and his girlfriend getting sucked into the cult he’s investigating. It was popular at Sundance 2011, but a lot of the complaints I’ve heard center around the unevenness of the story, since it was originally conceived as short webisodes and was later turned into a feature film. The inherent nature of a webisode isn’t exactly feature-friendly, which is why Joss Whedon hasn’t tried to turn Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog into a movie. Points to Marling & Co. for trying, but this looks like a rental to me.
It’s getting to be that time of year. We’re two months out from the first of the summer movie releases, and the fall/winter award bait is starting to surface, so trailers are coming hot and heavy. It feels like a nice time to take a look at what’s garnering buzz recently in the ole trailer park. Here are a few new trailers that have everyone talking.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
You have to give Fox a lot of credit for setting up Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter with a big, gutsy marketing campaign. This is probably the riskiest of the major releases in summer 2012, and Fox is acting like they have a sure-fire hit on their hands. The book is a best seller, which doesn’t hurt, but the overall concept is quite esoteric and sometimes what works in a book doesn’t work on film. However, judging solely from the trailer, it looks like director Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) has nailed the tone of the book and turned it into something dark and cool. This is a summer that looks ripe for an upset at the box office (I mean, not against The Dark Knight Rises, nothing and no one is taking that down as #1), and I kind of think Abraham Lincoln might be a surprise blockbuster.
Battleship
This looks so dumb, right? Like, so, soooooo dumb. But yet…it also looks fun. Fun in the way that only super dumb summer movies can be. The new Battleship trailer took me by surprise because it actually made me want to see this silly movie. Based on the shockingly warm reception to the new trailer, Universal has raised their projections and it looks like they might really have a Transformers-level hit on their hands. Of course, I’m notoriously awful at box office predictions, so maybe I should apologize to Universal right now for tanking their chances.
I think the most important question I have after seeing this trailer is whether or not Taylor Kitsch takes his shirt off.
Dark Shadows
I understand that many of you (most of you?) are sick to death of Johnny Depp and his weird characters with all the makeup and the costumes and why can’t he just be normal, for once? Ditto for Tim Burton and his eccentric, creepy films. I get that, but here’s my question to you: When has Johnny Depp ever been the normal guy? When has Tim Burton ever made a straightforward film? The closest Burton got to the mainstream was Big Fish, and even that relied heavily on magical realism. As for Depp, it would be, what, Chocolat? I’m just saying these are two guys who make their living on weird and obscure. I understand if you’re just tired of it, in general, but let’s not act like they were ever normal.
This movie might be a huge mess. The tone of the trailer is inconsistent. Between the title and the plot—Depp plays a cursed vampire trying to reclaim his home and restore his lost love—I think people were expecting a rather serious, dark movie. Instead what we’ve got is something that looks quite campy and silly and retro (it’s based on a 1960’s soap opera). But through the clutter there are glimpses of something sharp and darkly comic, which is precisely the combination that defines Beetlejuice, Ed Wood and Sweeney Todd—three of Burton’s best films. Probably Dark Shadows is a disaster waiting to happen, what with the Burton/Depp fatigue and all, but when they’re given free rein to indulge the oddest of their impulses, Burton/Depp can really deliver. It’ll be interesting to see which side Dark Shadows comes down on.
On the Road
Walter Salles took his sweet time putting together this adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s classic beat novel, and from the first trailer, it definitely looks worth the wait. I’m especially into Viggo Mortensen as Old Bull Lee (the William Burroughs stand-in) and the jazzy score fragments. I’m on the record worrying about the adaptability of On the Road, but as I said originally, if anyone could make sense of a difficult, syncopated text like Kerouac’s, it would Salles. It would appear he has succeeded in at least crafting something interesting-looking with On the Road.
By virtue of being Salles’ first feature film in four years—and his first English-language film in seven—On the Road is getting a huge amount of attention. Of course it’s Kerouac, of course the cast is stocked with talent including Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, Mortensen, Amy Adams and Kirsten Dunst, but the real star in any Walter Salles film is Walter Salles. He trumps everything else. And chill before you yell at me for forsaking my girl KStew. I’m excited for her to be in this, but that’s the deal you accept when you go into a Walter Salles film. It’s like working with Terrence Malick or Christopher Nolan or Woody Allen—the actor is not the most important piece, the director and his vision are. I expect to see this on the Croisette at Cannes, and later, in serious contention for award season. Because it’s Walter Salles. And that’s all that matters.
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
Because once again, this is a super funny movie that everyone should go see.
Prometheus
I’m trying to get into this, I really am, because I like everyone involved—The Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Noomi Rapace, Guy Pearce—but I’m not that into sci-fi in general and I have no strong attachment to the original Alien, specifically. But I get that I’m in the minority in my disinterest and the way things stand now, this looks like the clearest challenger to The Dark Knight Rises’ assumed #1 position as top of the box office for the summer. I do think Prometheus will be big, I’m just not particularly interested in it myself.
Snow White and the Huntsman
Universal has had a hard run the last few years, but between Battleship and this, summer 2012 is shaping up nicely for them. The new trailer was just released (along with a five minute feature reel, which you can see here) and it looks GREAT. Commercials director Rupert Sanders is making his feature film debut and he looks like the genuine article. Even in two minute increments, the visuals look amazing. When the first trailer for the cutely nick-named SWATH debuted last fall, everyone was all, “OMG, Kristen Stewart is barely in it!” and I was like, “Chill, they’re going to release a Snow-centric trailer later.” And here it is, the Snow-centric trailer. I like how they’re setting up the idea that Snow’s power and beauty derives from her innate goodness—I prefer that to a straight up “I’m prettier than you” bitch off. I recently re-read the Grimm Snow White and it’s all about the destructive nature of vanity, so I really hope they play that angle in SWATH. So far, it looks like that’s where they’re headed. I’m into it.
ROUSE (n): To awaken or incite. RUSE (n): A stratagem. <--- Two different words, not interchangeable. Seeing this mistake a lot these days. 4 hours ago
