That show felt really, really long, right? In actual running time it was average (around three and a half hours) but it felt like it took all year to watch. I’m putting it down to the horrible direction. That was a really, truly, terribly directed telecast. No sense of rhythm or pace and not nearly enough cutaways to the audience to make it worth our time. We watch for the cutaways as much for anything else. We want to see George Clooney’s face when someone makes a joke about his younger girlfriends. We want to see Joaquin Phoenix bitchfacing the host to death when he hopes Phoenix is “on his meds”. I, personally, wanted to see some cutaways to Academy bigwigs when Robert Downey, Jr., plainly annoyed, snapped, “Biggest movie of the year, but only got one Oscar nomination”.
Archive for the Celebrities Category
Now that that’s done, let’s talk about Melissa McCarthy and the humor of fatness.
In his review of Identity Thief, film critic and professional asshole Rex Reed referred to McCarthy with a series of offensive and derogatory phrases relating to her weight, which totally undermined any valid points he may have been making about the film’s quality (which he did conclude was awful and unwatchable, and asshole or not, he wasn’t wrong about that). You can read a summary of that kerfuffle here. Read more »
The Golden Globes came and went, and while co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were really, really good (borderline terrific, even), they didn’t get nearly enough screen time. Everyone wanted them to come out more and tell great jokes about how being married to James Cameron is torture, or to warn Taylor Swift away from the under-age boys in the audience. However, the show did run a precise three hours. So maybe less interstitial bits from the hosts isn’t a bad thing, in general, it just speaks to how good Fey and Poehler were that we wanted so much more of them. The 2013 Golden Globes will also go down as the night Jodie Foster finally came out, even though her lifetime achievement award speech was so confusing everyone thought she retired by the end of it (no, she confirmed later, she did not). But what we’re really here for is to judge people because of their clothes, so let’s get to it—the best and worst of the Golden Globes fashion. Read more »
If you need a reminder at just how far Ben Affleck fell down the Hollywood ladder, look no further than his exclusion from the Best Director category at the Oscars. Sure, he’s on the Best Picture list as a producer, alongside George Clooney, but his solo effort was ignored in favor of a first-time director (Benh Zeitlin) whose movie I liked a great deal less than Argo. It’s gotta sting, Ben, but don’t worry. Your day will come. Just not yet. You’re not done paying for Bennifer or Reindeer Games yet (and you still owe me $10 for sitting through that shit pile). Read more »
Men have it SO easy on the red carpet. The worst thing they deal with is tying a bowtie and maybe shoes that pinch. But where it can take a woman as many as eight hours to get ready for a red carpet event (not uncommon on Oscar day), men need like, fifteen minutes max to get into their tuxes. It’s totally unfair. So it’s totally inexcusable that so many of them completely screw up their red carpet looks when they do have it so (comparatively) easy. So this is for the men, aimed at actors specifically, but the same rules apply for non-famous dudes also, to cure some common Suit Problems and make the world a generally more attractive, aesthetically pleasing place.
You are not a hitman, so don’t wear that
The problem: Shiny suits
Biggest offender: Jeremy Renner
Last night was the final Twilight premiere, and it was a fashion train wreck. I’ve identified designers where possible but I didn’t kill myself looking, so feel free to correct/add an ID, and I will maybe remember to update eventually. Let’s judge people based on what they chose to wear one night out of their lives!
Nikki Reed (Versace): B
I like the cut/fit of the dress, and her styling is good, I just don’t like the faux-corset detailing Versace is doing this season. Would’ve liked it better without the studding.
First, the definition of heckler by someone who has been heckled in a variety of forms over a range of media, from real life to electronic.
A heckler is anyone who disturbs your shit.
Disagree? Fine. Everyone gets to have an opinion, even dumb ones (just like we’re free to judge those opinions as dumb). But don’t interrupt someone who is speaking. This is what I like about the internet—as gross and ragey as commentary can get, it is literally impossible to interrupt someone. I find writing to be a much more civil exchange, even at its most uncivil, than stand-up comedy ever was. Here on the internet, I write something, like this, and then you respond. And then I can either respond or not, depending on my level of motivation, conviction of belief, and the relative interestingness of whatever a commenter has said in response to my initial thought. Even if it’s to be yelled at, I can’t be interrupted here. In turn, I can’t interrupt anyone who would take the time and comment/email/tweet me. Everyone gets their say. Read more »