Charlie Sheen: TORNADO OF AWESOME

I admit it. I’m getting a huge kick out of Charlie Sheen’s TORNADO OF AWESOME Tour 2011. I recognize that there’s an element of hypocrisy in this as I deplore the likes of Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson and now John Galliano, yet I’m actively enjoying Charlie Sheen’s meltdown. As far as I can tell, for me the sad smut line hasn’t been crossed because 1) Charlie Sheen seems to be able to (kind of) control himself when he needs to and 2) every time Charlie Sheen opens his mouth the most amazing gems of hilaritude come out. Basically, Charlie Sheen is entertaining crazy person, not bigoted/racist/homophobic/etc. Yet. If his tune changes, the TORNADO OF AWESOME Tour 2011 is cancelled.

What is the TORNADO OF AWESOME? It’s what is happening right now. This very instant, Charlie Sheen is out there. Just waiting. You don’t know where Charlie Sheen will strike next and when Charlie Sheen does strike, you know there will be no logical pattern to when and how Charlie Sheen will rain down his awesomery. All you know is that Charlie Sheen will happen and the results will be devastatingly insane. That’s the TORNADO OF AWESOME—an unpredictable, inevitable storm of batshit crazy Charlie Sheen laying waste to the unintentional comedy scale.

In the last couple of weeks Charlie Sheen’s TORNADO OF AWESOME has been in hyperdrive, bringing us such joy as “Vatican assassin warlocks” and “fire breathing fists”. At first I thought Charlie Sheen had done enough coke to kill a pony and this was just him coming down, but then, as he kept talking about warlocks and fiery fists and the power of his mind that can heal itself at will, I had a revelation. Charlie Sheen isn’t having a meltdown. Charlie Sheen isn’t coming down from an epic coke and hooker binge. No, I realized that…

CHARLIE SHEEN IS PARTICIPATING IN A LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAYING GAME.

And now you can, too! Charlie: The Sheening cards have arrived—just print them out and start playing to create your own Tornado of Awesome*!

*Your Tornado of Awesome will in no way be as awesome as Charlie Sheen’s TORNADO OF AWESOME.

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5 Responses to “Charlie Sheen: TORNADO OF AWESOME”

  1. On Lainey you said you “refuse to call it a meltdown” yet here, that is exactly what you call it in the very 2nd sentence of the post. So which is it? You’re not very credible as a writer when you contradict yourself and change your stance from one article to the next.

    • Well shit happens when you do all your writing at 2 AM after you’ve already put in fourteen hours at your day job. But pertinent to this particular article, if you continue reading you’ll see this: “Then I had a revelation. Charlie Sheen isn’t having a meltdown.” And I never call it that again. On the surface, it looks like he’s melting down but with a little reflection it becomes clear that he’s crazy like a fox. And is involved in a LARPG.

  2. sarah- you’re awesome . and i love this post. also weird how jenna calls you lainey. innnneresting. #winning

  3. I’m with Jenna here. My 9 year old son doesn’t find Charlie Sheen funny. Especially now. But alas, he’s no psychiatric expert like our Sarah is. I’m grateful she reflects so little actually. THAT makes for good comedy.

  4. Sarah deals a critical strike to Jenna, +200 exp. n00b just got pwned.

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